The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 124

Andy Stern

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 03, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Andy Stern
Tonight Stephen welcomes union leader and author of A Country That Works: Getting America Back on Track, Andy Stern.
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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …it's time for tonight's Word: Experience. Folks whether you're talking about making the perfect martini (Light on the Vermouth) or fighting the perfect asymmetrical war, (Light on troop levels) you have to listen to experience. (Except to John McCain on torture) And you know Henry Kissinger has plenty of experience fighting an insurgency. (Been there, napalmed that) As Nixon's National Security Advisor he came into a tough situation, Vietnam. We were going to lose that war but with his help it wound up a tie. (They got Vietnam, we got Good Morning Vietnam) Point is he gave America peace with honor and that's exactly what we need in Iraq. Not that Iraq is anything like Vietnam, (Nam=Wet, Iraq=Dry) they are different. They're as different as butter and margarine. (I Can't Believe It's Not Vietnam!) But folks, I tell you, Kissinger's experience with Vietnam taught him something very valuable, (That Kent State is in Ohio) that we lost Vietnam because we lost our will. (And our Steve, and our Chuck, and our John…)

        And you know, Mr. Kissinger has not been shy about passing on his knowledge to President Bush. He told the President quote: "The only meaningful exit strategy in Iraq is victory." And you know folks, we must have a meaningful exit strategy, (To go with our meaningless entrance strategy) all we have to do is follow the blueprint Kissinger has from his years serving Nixon. First we do some wiretapping, (Check) then some secret bombings in a neighboring country, (Heads=Syria, Tails=Iran) and maybe, just maybe, overthrow a South American government killing their leader. (Give Chavez a Chile reception) Of course, Kissinger can't do it alone, we have to reunite the entire supergroup of the Nixon administration. We already have Kissinger, Cheney and Rumsfeld, we just need to get Colson, Liddy and Haig, we can even thaw out Checkers. With the Nixon team back at the helm this war will end the best way possible. (Impeachment)

        And that's the Word.

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