The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 49

Anthony Romero

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 18, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Anthony Romero
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the National Director of the ACLU, Anthony Romero!

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  • Bears are America's top threat once again.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from the criticism of Donald Rumsfeld to the Gospel of Judas.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by announcing Stephen Jr has hatched. He celebrates with a cigar and tosses a few into the audience. He was born on April 17th, oddly enough, Patriot's Day. He shows a video of the eagle breaking out of the egg, and Stephen's ecstatic about it. He then talks about some of the things he needs to do, such as starting a college fund and getting him baptised.

    Stephen then moves on to another edition of "Who's Not Honoring Me Now" since the Pulitzer Prizes have been announced, and Stephen's not getting one. He goes on to complain about how some reporters got a Pulitzer for their coverage of Hurricane Katrina. Stephen says that is easy to do; it's a gimme. He equates it to an actor portraying a retarded guy; of course he'll win an Emmy!

    Moving on again, Stephen takes a look at the problem with the retired Generals who have been criticizing Donald Rumsfeld decisions and leadership, which brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "Sir, Yes, Sir." Stephen says the generals have no business criticizing Rumsfeld, they've been out of the military far too long and don't know what it's like now.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces this week's edition of "The Threatdown." The number five threat is "Judas," more specifically the "good" Judas. A recently-translated text known as the Gospel of Judas has revealed that Jesus asked Judas to betray him, which flies against everything Christians have known to be true. For Stephen, this pretty much ruined Easter. "Wal-Mart" is the fourth threat. They've announced they will stop selling guns at about a thousand stores because of a lack of market demand in those stores. With the chain store moving into big cities, people don't seem to have the desire for purchasing a shotgun. Stephen suggests changing the types of guns sold, since you can't really hide a shotgun under your shirt. Next on the list is "Neil Young", who has recorded an album which is less than supportive of President Bush. Stephen doesn't think his criticisms matter because he's from Canada. The second top threat is "Robots". A new robot has been developed to give medical training to doctors trying to learn how to deliver babies. Stephen doesn't think this is necessary at all. And finally, the number one threat, "Pooh," specifically Winnie The. Stephen takes aim at Walt Disney for their famous bear character. He warns parents of this bear, which is sure to bring havoc into your home.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Anthony Romero, head of the ACLU. They have a spirited discussion about civil liberties, wiretapping, and the Bill of Rights.

    Tonight's show was great. I've seen it three or four times already, and I loved it. None of the segments were un-interesting or particularly weak. My favorite segment was "The Threatdown," an often over-looked bit on the show. I suppose it's because it's only a weekly thing. Stephen's anti-bear rants are always great, although I'm still upset he actually bought that "cute" plush bear the other day.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, retired Generals criticize Donald Rumseld's leadership. Hasn't anybody told these guys about golf?

    • Stephen Colbert (to retired Generals who are criticizing Donald Rumsfeld): Gentlemen, you can kiss my five star sack.

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Sir, Yes, Sir! That's way military people are supposed to respond when their superiors give them an order. (Like "Nuke Iran") First of all, these generals criticizing Rumsfeld retired a long time ago. (Several months) They don't know anything about the military. Since they retired, Rumsfeld's reinvented it like three times. (The Madonna of War) He's changed everything, when these generals retired stars were for your rank. Now if you get five stars, it means you get a free cup of coffee. (Warbucks Coffee) We all know why they're so critical of the Defense Secretary, they're being defense because they weren't able to implement his brilliant plan. (Operation "Greet Us As Liberators")

      It was so simple, go in with 100,000 troops, topple the regime, everybody loves us, and we leave by Easter 2003. (Hippity hoppity Chalabi's on his way) Now, these ex-military men have the right to their opinions, that's fine. They just shouldn't voice them during a war. (Loose lips sink approval ratings) Folks, there's a proper time and a place for a general to criticize a Secretary of Defense. That time? When he can still fire you for criticizing him. The place? In private so no one will know why you were fired. (What happens in the Pentagon stays in the Pentagon)

      As those of us who defend Rumsfeld will point out, you don't change horses in mid stream, especially since we're not even sure if we're in the middle of the steam right now. To know that, we'd have to know wide the stream is, and so far we haven't seen that other bank. Hell, it might not even be a stream, could be a lake. For that matter, we're not entirely sure we're riding a horse. We were in a bit of a hurry to get to Iraq, we could have saddled up a pig. The point is wherever we're asked to go, and whatever we're asked to ride, there is only one patriotic response. (Sir, Yes, Sir)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


    • What Happens In the Pentagon, Stays in the Pentagon

      This is a play on the popular phrase Las Vegas has been using, which is "What Happens in Vegas, Stays In Vegas."

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