The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 83

Barbara Ehrenreich

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 23, 2008 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Barbara Ehrenreich
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Tonight Stephen welcomes political satirist and author of This Land Is Their Land: Reports from a Divided Nation, Barbara Ehrenreich.

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      • Stephen: But South Africa has found one way to end inequality and it's tonight's Word: Black & White. Folks, last Wednesday South Africa's high court issued a landmark ruling that classifies Chinese South Africans as quote: "black." That bears repeating: Chinese are now Black. ("I got 99 problems but Feng Shui ain't one.") Now in some ways this upsets me. For one it poses the threat of a black Yo Yo Ma, the next thing you know White suburban kids will be listening to cello music. ("Straight Outta Carnegie") South Africa issued this ruling so that Chinese residents who suffered under Apartheid will be eligible the same government programs put in place to help blacks. Now, I think government handouts are wrong, (Other than to oil companies) but I do applaud South Africa for lumping ethnic groups together. (Racial turducken)

        I think we should do the same thing here, (E Pluribus Same-um) because if there still is discrimination here, some of the blame has to go to the fact that there are still so many different groups available to discriminate against. Women, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, Muslims, Jews, the poor, immigrants, soccer players, men with girl names like Rene, it is a smorgasbord! (Dirty Swedes!) I mean really, who could resist? (The notoriously stubborn Irish?) Personally I am always suspicious of anything that has more than two categories. (Divides supermarket into "cheese" & "not cheese") For instance: You're either with us or you're against us. (Or you're against us but have oil) It is either Coke or Pepsi. You are either gay or you fight it. (Compromise: Open an antiques store) But if we in America legally made all those groups Black we could dispel the shadow of discrimination forever by simply electing one Black President. I speak of course of John McCain.

        As a senior citizen he is certainly discriminated against. That would make McCain "Black." (George Bush's black friend) So thank you South Africa, I have spent so many sleepless nights trying to make McCain seem like anything other than more of the same. (McCain kept someone awake?) But if we follow your example, McCain can be the candidate of change, because it's time for a Black man to lead the free world and John McCain is the White man for the job.

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen Colbert: (shows recent injuries) Well, folks, after my traumatic wrist injury, I pledged that I would never again break a fall with my hands. That left my face. Now, it's not really important exactly what happened here…Now, we may never know exactly how this happened but one thing we do know. It is my responsibility to shed light on Hollywood's glamorization of face violence. (shows movie clips of face violence) Shame on you, Hollywood!

      • Stephen: Guests of The Colbert Report stay at the luxurious crashing with a friend.

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