The Colbert Report

Season 6 Episode 112

Been There, Won That

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 08, 2010 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Been There, Won That
Stephen celebrates the return of the troops from Iraq with guests Vice President Joe Biden and General Ray Odierno.
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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: Tonight: The Iraq War is over. Media? Now you have an excuse for not covering it. Then: I salute our returning troops because if there's one thing they don't get enough of, it's saluting. And my guest is Vice President Joe Biden. I am so vice excited. Jay Leno doesn't have one of these. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: The exact end of the Iraq War brings us to tonight's Word: Over & Out. Now I have been told the war is over and I accept that, (He also accepts Amex) but for some reason a certain number of people refuse to believe it. (Around 50,000) For instance the Associated Press has told its reporters that "…combat in Iraq is not over and that we should not uncritically repeat suggestions that it is…" Now I don't understand why the media would question the end of this war. (They didn't question the beginning) I'm confused. Because even though it looked dark at times, against all challenges we've clearly won this war and it is over. Again. Because let's face it, it have been over, over and over. (Operation Groundhog Day) The first time it was over was when the statue of Saddam got pulled down. (Greeted at redecorators) Then it was over when President Bush landed on the aircraft carrier. Commanders even started handing out patches like this one that says Mission Accomplished with the tasteful images of Baghdad and Basra on fire. Then it was over when we pulled Saddam out of his spider hole. (His spider-sense never tingled) Only for it to be over again in 2005 when Iraqis proudly displayed their purple fingers proving they had voted. Or that they had just done something terrible to the Grimace.

        The point is, ever time it's been over, they've asked you troops to win it again. And every time you've done it. In fact you've won this war so many times that if there was an award for the number of times you've won, you would win that too. (Unless The Daily Show did) Hey, you know what? (What?) Maybe, maybe they asked you to win this war to many times. You know the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf? By the way, Wolf Blitzer, stay away from that boy. (He's got a restraining order) This might just be the war that cried over. (Premature evacuation) Now I really want to say that the war is ended. (Not as bad as the troops do) But the fact is we still have 50,000 troops in harm's way. So, when can we really say it's over? For the answer, we now turn to The Colbert Report's conflict analyst. Please welcome Hall of Famer and proud veteran of the D-Day landings, Mr. Yogi Berra.

        Yogi, thank you for joining us. Help me out Yogi. Is the Iraq War over?
        Yogi Berra: Stephen, it ain't over till it's over.
        Stephen: And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • "Army of Won"
        The featured phrase in this episode's opening credits is a pun off of the Army recruiting slogan "Army of One", now since 'retired'.

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