The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 8

Bill O'Reilly

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 18, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Bill O'Reilly
Tonight Stephen welcomes the host of The O'Reilly Factor, Bill O'Reilly.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (3)

    • QUOTES (4)

      • Stephen: You are the luckiest audience ever. Well, at least since the one in the Roman coliseum that got to see which would win, a Christian or a lion. Spoiler alert, lion!

      • Stephen: Caution, you're about to watch me enter a no spin zone. This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: "Go it alone" unnecessary? Tell that to tonight's Word: Go It Alone. Folks, no one seems happy with the President these days. Last week he addressed the nation with the latest installment in his nineteen part series: We're turning the corner in Iraq. (Episode I: The Phantom Menace) Personally I thought it was stirring but 70% of the American people oppose his plan to send more troops. (Other 30% already in Iraq) Even Republicans are abandoning the Commander in Chief and joining with the lefty critics. (Pink elephants) Now it seems like the only one sticking by him are Laura, his dog Barney and Joe Lieberman. (And Barney has doubts) Now this is ironic considering Mr. Bush have values loyalty above all else. (Way above competency) For four years we as a nation followed the President, we questioned nothing: aluminum tubes, Saddam's link to 9/11, Bush's claim the he really read The Stranger, (Or his daily briefings) recently however, people have expressed doubt, and these doubts have even affected the administration. Take a look at what the President said last Sunday on 60 Minutes.

        [Video: Scott Pelley: There's a perception in some corners of the country that you're stubborn.
        President Bush: Oh yeah? Well…
        Pelley: You agree with that? People say that.
        Bush: Do I agree that I'm stubborn or do I agree that people think I'm stubborn?
        Pelley: People think you do, what do you think?
        Bush: I think I'm a flexible, open minded person. I really do.]

        Stephen: Flexible and open minded!? If we had wanted that we would have elected Al Gore! (We did) The fact is if there's one thing the American people respect and that is strength. (Also, great hair and teeth) As Henry Ibsen, a true American patriot once said: The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone. Though it might have been Madonna who said that. (Referring to her illegal adoption) No one is standing more alone these days than the President, ergo he is the strongest man in the world. (Should be injected into Barry Bonds) He folks, he is an army of one. (Bush strong) So the best way to win the people back is to listen to them even less, and he's off to a good start. Even though 89% Americans support a bill that would allow Medicare to negotiate for lower drug prices the President has threatened to veto it. That's what I call standing strong. (For Pfizer) Nice job Mr. President, show more contempt for us, we'll respect you for it. (Just not ourselves) And please, change you mind on this wiretap compromise. Unless of course it doesn't matter now that the courts have any jurisdiction because you don't need any more warrants because you've already bugged all the phone lines in America. God I hope so. Because the best way to win our respect is to know everything we're thinking and still choose to ignore it. (Go it alone)

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: If you're an act what am I?

    • NOTES (1)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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