The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 117

Bob Lutz

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 17, 2008 on Comedy Central
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the vice chairman of GM, Bob Lutz.
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      • Stephen: Tonight: John McCain responds to the growing economic crisis by suggesting America marry a really rich woman. And: Is there a new way to catch Osama Bin Laden? I've got a great idea involving an anvil and a pile of Bin Laden seed. Then I sit down with GM vice chairman Bob Lutz to talk about GM's new electric car. 40,000 triple A batteries not included. Hey liquid paper! Your bottle should say you don't work on computer screens. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen Colbert: Folks, last week was the anniversary of 9/11 and of course, leave it to the media to exploit it by asking why President Bush hasn't captured Osama Bin Laden yet. The Bush administration has a very good reason and it's tonight's Word: Powerless. Last week White House Press Secretary Dana Perino explained exactly why Osama bin Laden is still at large.

        {Video: Reporter: With another anniversary of 9/11 upon us, how does the President feel about the failure to find Osama Bin Laden?
        Dana Perino: There are human limitations to…this is not the movies, we don't have superpowers…]

        Stephen Colbert: Good point! Why doesn't President Bush have superpowers? (GOP wishes he was invisible) Yes, yes we have given him the power to wiretap, to search and seize without a warrant, to go to war without Congressional approval and to change laws with unlimited signing statements, but those aren't superpowers. They're just unprecedented extraordinary powers. (Can bypass Constitution in a single bound) And right now folks, right now if President Bush were in the Justice League he would be the guy who sits at the front desk and tells visitors: There's no Justice League here. We have got to get him superpowers and here's how we do it. I say we lock him in a room with some radioactive spiders, throw in some gamma rays, maybe a few barrels of industrial waste, some fly DNA and a scientist Hell bent on creating a super soldier. (To serve in Texas Air National Guard) At the very worst he will come out of there with the screenplay for next summer's Will Smith vehicle.

        But ideally he'll come out a superhero: The Decider. A flying, psychokinetic vigilante who can waterboard terrorists with his mind until they give up Bin Laden's secret location. (But can't eat pretzel without choking) He might even get the superpowers he has needed for years, like the psychic ability to know that invading Iraq won't help you capture someone hiding out in Afghanistan. (Extra sensible perception) Or the supervision to sense that an intelligence briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike in U.S." deserves a second read. (Reading is Bush's kryptonite) So get off the President's case! Thanks to Dana Perino we now know that Bush hasn't failed to catch Bin Laden because of "errors in judgment" or "policy decisions" it is because he doesn't have superpowers. And he has never claimed to be anything but a human being…chosen by God to fight an axis of evil and defeat a mortal danger to all humanity.

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen Colbert: Nation, it is day three of our little market correction. But I am not panicking because I know John McCain is on the case. Now he got a lot of flak for saying this on Monday.
        McCain on video: The fundamentals of our economy
        are strong.
        Stephen Colbert: And, three hours later saying this.
        McCain: (on video) The fundamentals of our economy
        are at risk.
        Stephen Colbert: Now, regardless of what you've heard, that is not a contradiction. You can be strong and also at risk. John McCain is just saying our economy is like a muscleman who refuses to wear a condom.

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