The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 28

Bob Schieffer

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 06, 2006 on Comedy Central
9.1
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Bob Schieffer
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TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes CBS News anchor and author of This Just In: What I Couldn't Tell You on TV, Bob Schieffer!

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  • Stephen suggests a strict breeding program to repopulate the world with real blondes.

    8.7
    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from foreign cars to tonight's guest, Bob Schieffer.



    Stephen starts off the show by mentioning the Oscars, which was on last night. Stephen says he didn't watch the show, but he wanted to congratulate Jon Stewart for his job hosting it. He then brings up the fact that he correctly guessed all five of the main Oscar categories. He then shows clips of him doing this from a few nights ago. Riding on a cloud of air, Stephen celebrates with a big balloon drop.



    Moving on, Stephen shows a clip of a cheerleader who lost her balance in a big formation and fell on her head. Surprisingly, she's still cheering while bring wheeled out on the stretcher.



    Moving on again, Stephen turns his attention to the Consumer Reports magazine, which selected a new round of top picks for 2006, and they're all from foreign countries. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Spoiler Alert!" Stephen doesn't like product testing; he would rather see people try things out on his/her own to find out what the products are really like.



    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another installment of the "Threat Down." Coming in at number five is cash. According to the IRS, over $400 billion in taxes will likely go uncollected. Stephen suggests getting rid of taxes and using some sort of electronic bar code. Number four is curators. Museum curators at the Detroit Institute of Arts were upset when a teenager put a piece of gum on a painting, but Stephen's unable to make out what the painting is. Number three is Idaho Lawmakers because of a new campaign to remove a phrase about potatoes from the Idaho license plates. Number two is gay penguins. They're the subject of a new book, which Stephen thinks is purely propoganda for the flightless waterfowl gay agenda. Finishing at number one is non-blondes. A new study finds that blondes will be extinct not too far in the future because there aren't very many real blondes around anymore. Stephen suggests a strict breeding program to repopulate the world with more blondes.



    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Bob Schieffer. They talk about Bob's career in news, journalism in general, and his aging audience.



    Tonight's show was fairly average as far as the series is concerned, but the best part about tonight's episode was the interview. Bob Schieffer has a far better sense of humor than I expected, and when he described his audience and the CBS news show's ratings, Bob made a hilarious joke, and Stephen couldn't keep a straight face, making it funnier.moreless

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    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Spoiler Alert! Now I'm no fan of consumer reporting. Why should customers get all their information in advance? (Buyer be stupid) It's a disservice. Things like "best value" or "quality testing" or "safety rating" just ruin the post purchase surprise. (8mpg/Highway, 6mph/City) People should learn about products themselves through trail and error. (Crash me once, shame on me) So I'm calling for a halt to product tests. (Al least the ones we fail) Of course, the Nader-Nazis think they're doing you a big face by trying things out, but how is that any different than a Medieval nobleman telling his vassal, on his wedding night, "I'll have sex with your bride first and tell you what she's like." (Nice air bags)

      And consumer reports are not only stealing the shopping experience from you, they're harming our economy. We already have an entire industry dedicated to telling people what to buy, it's called advertising. Corporations spend hundreds of millions of dollars creating logos, slogans and rich, complex marketing campaigns. (Drink beer, get laid) Here's how it works: consumers are moths, and advertising is like a pretty flame. (Bug zapper) Now, if Moth Monthly magazine releases a report reminding moths that they're flammable, they'll avoid the flame and flutter right into the waiting closets of our Japanese competitors. ("Kimonos are Delicious!"-Moth Monthly) Fact is, product information like this is dangerous, (To Detroit) and where will it lead you may ask. Well, in the future, if customers continue to make informed decisions instead of being seduced by flash, a lot of industries are going to be losing out to cheaper, better foreign competition. (Spoiler Alert)

      And that's the Word

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