The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 147

Bob Woodward

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 12, 2008 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Tonight Stephen welcomes journalist and author of The War Within: A Secret White House History 2006-2008, Bob Woodward.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: Tonight: George W. Bush is a victim. Other people can't make their mortgage so he has to leave his house? Then: Doctors find a new way to protect your heart. I keep a baboon handy for a spare. And my guest Bob Woodward says there's infighting in the Bush administration. They're fighting in there so we don't have to fight them out here. Hey, teleprompter! Stop telling me what to do! Pause. They yell! This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: And many are asking how did they fall so fast, which takes us to tonight's Word: Pity Party. I know it's only been a week since the election, but I say it's never too early to rewrite history. (Palin was a good idea) And one thing being rewritten very clearly right now by the Right, is that for the past eight years the party in power has been brutally victimized by the Democrats who had no say what so ever. We all know the greatest victim was the President. (Close second: Iraqi civilians) We are finally starting to hear just how oppressed the most powerful man in the world has been. This is a man so harmless he was nearly killed by a pretzel. (A salted) Let that sink in. He was attacked from the very start of his Presidency, (With the exception of the first five years) and he was continually demonized by his enemies. Jim?

        [Video: Sean Hannity: I feel that in many ways President Bush is misunderstood…He was diminished and demonized and insulted on a regular basis by the Democrats.
        Karl Rove: I've learned that, looking back now, a sobering lesson that a President needs to be careful in his language but he cannot allow this kind of brittle and brutal attacks that were made on this President at certain times to go unanswered.]

        Stephen: Yes! You need to answer those attacks. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and outing a CIA agent for a critical editorial in The Times, a right to wiretap you for having a phone. ("Can you fear me now?") And we know why the President has been demonized. (Lost fiddle contest with Cheney?) Folks, it's all because he cared too much. It's all spelled out in an editorial in last week's Wall Street Journal titled: The Treatment of Bush Has Been a Disgrace, quote: "This is the price Mr. Bush is paying for trying to worth with both Democrats & Republicans…" See? He tried to work with Democrats. (The way Ike worked with Tina) But we know they refused, the Democrats refused with the exception of re-authorizing the Iraq War, the Patriot Act, domestic wiretapping, approving his tax cuts, the financial bailout, immunity for telecom companies and his two Supreme Court nominees, they fought him tooth and nail. (Biting tongue, chewing nails)

        Now as the Wall Street Journal points out, criticizing the President has been catastrophic for our country: "…proving to the world what little character and resolve we have." How true! Look how angry the world got last week when we rejected the Republicans. [video of hula dancers] Now that may look celebratory, but we all know that the clockwise hula is the hula of shame. And it's not just the President, it's the whole administration. Just look how Barney was victimized by a reporter.

        [Video: Barney the dog bits a reporter.
        Reporter: I got bit by Barney]

        Stephen: He is scared! Where did you think Barney learned to be afraid of reporters? (Democrats taught him to roll over) And now the greatest victimization of all: the Republicans, who have always criticized the Democrats liberal culture of victimhood, have been forced by this stunning defeat….to portray themselves as the victim. But they have no other choice. Because at this crucial moment in our nations history, the question we should be asking ourselves is not: Why were the Republicans rejected by the voters, but who can we blame for it. (The pity party)

        And that's the Word.

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