The Colbert Report

Season 1 Episode 11

Bruce Feiler

0
Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 02, 2005 on Comedy Central
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Bruce Feiler
AIRED:
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes author of "Where God Was Born: A Journey by Land to the Roots of Religion", Bruce Feiler!

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Bruce Feiler

Bruce Feiler

Guest

Guest Star

David Cross

David Cross

Russ Lieber (voice/photo)

Recurring Role

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: A wop bop a loo bop a wop bam Truth.

    • Stephen: So let's go straight to the Word, which even the New York Times can't possible get wrong: Cat. C-A-T. Cat. I'll give the guys over at the Times to write it down. (Got it?) Okay? All right. The fate of Gulf Coast pets after hurricane Katrina highlighted what our animals mean to us, they give us companionship, the strength to do on. And now we're finally repaying them with their own radio station. Today's New York Times, great paper by the way, reports on DogCatRadio, an internet radio station which play music for pets left alone in the house while their owners are at work. This is great, but not for my dog Gipper. Eyes on the TV, Gipper. Over here at daddy! Stay off the couch. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? (You are) But let me ask you something. Is a radio station for animals a sign that we as a society are over pampering our pets? (Good question) Maybe not, because it seems animals need music as much as we do.

      Yesterday, researchers at Washington University reported that mice woo each other with complex love songs that are inaudible to the human ear. Evidentially these songs originate in the part of the mouse brain scientist know very little about. (The Slojamz Lobe) But here's what I don't get, we've been chasing these guys around mazes and growing ears on their backs for decades. We know what they look like with makeup on them. Hell, we know what they look like with makeup in them. (Cover Girl pancreas defining pencil) And there are parts of their brains we still haven't cut up? But these stories together raise a far more interesting question: (Is this a slow news day?) Why would they sing when they spend their lives in cages having their organs pureed by those sadists at the CDC? Could it be these creatures have a soul? I believe only a creature with a soul can love. I know my dog Gipper loves me because he licks me. We rarely lick things we don't love. Plus, the psalms tell us that the Lord is my Shepard, doesn't that say something about sheep dogs? (Checkmate!) The fact is, in these difficult times we need music to soothe our souls, and animals are no different. I believe all God's creatures have a soul, except bears. They are Godless killing machines and they must be destroyed!

      And that's the Word

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