The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 50

Caitlin Flanagan

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 19, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Caitlin Flanagan
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife, Caitlin Flanagan!

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  • Stephen eats his baby eagle's egg!

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from global warming to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' new baby.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by mentioning Scott McClellan's resignation from White House Press Secretary. After wishing him well, Stephen offers Scott McClellan an unpaid internship position should he be so inclined.

    Moving on, Stephen mentions he accidentally had his TiVo record three disaster movies over the past few days, and now the TiVo thinks Stephen wants to watch anything and everything having to do with the destruction of the planet. Well, the TiVo recorded two more documentaries for Stephen, this time having to do with global warming, something Stephen thinks is ridiculous. Aside from the global warming aspect, Stephen objects to the PBS documentary, Journey To Planet Earth because it promotes the agenda of bears. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Save It." Stephen agrees with many others who say plants and animals are less important than humans.

    Back from commercial, Stephen mentions the birth of his baby eagle. He then shows a little birthday announcement card he made up. It includes the weight and wingspan of his baby eagle, and even has a graphic of an eagle tearing the eyes out of Osama Bin Laden.

    Moving on, Stephen introduces another edition of "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger". First up, Stephen gives the Nebraska state legislature a tip of the hat for their decision to split up Omaha's school districts into three districts, along racial lines. Stephen thinks this could make Nebraska the Rosa Parks of re-segregation. Next, an eel catfish gets Stephen's wag of the finger. It's got the capability of coming out of the water to get food, which in Stephen's eyes, means it throws off the whole natural order that says fish have to swim. And finally, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes receive a tip of the hat from Stephen to honor their new baby into the world. It seems the press condemns them for everything they do. They then get a wag of the finger from Stephen for trying to steal Stephen's thunder. Tom and Katie's baby coming into the world overshadows the big news about the birth of Stephen's baby eagle. To one-up Tom Cruise's joke about eating his baby's placenta, Stephen had the San Francisco Zoo Fed-Ex Stephen's baby eagle's egg overnight. He pulls it out of the box and starts to eat some of it. He clearly doesn't enjoy the taste. Bobby, Stephen's stage manager chimes in with the fact that Tom Cruise was only joking about eating his baby's placenta. This doesn't completely put a damper on Stephen, but it does mean that Stephen loves his baby more than Tom does.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Caitlin Flanagan. Mrs. Flanagan is quite critical about the role of women in today's society and believes a woman's role should be a homemaker.

    I really liked tonight's episode. The funniest part was the interview with Caitlin Flanagan, who said a number of things Stephen and the male members of the audience agreed with, such as a wife should "put out" every night, not just on "date night."moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (6)

    • Stephen Colbert: Well, as I'm sure you've heard, Scott McClellan, the White House Press Secretary, resigned today, and our president has accepted his resignation. (Stephen applauds) I like you applaud the president's courage in finally eliminating a position that's been nothing but trouble. I've been saying this for years. We should get rid of the White House Press Secretary! Why have a guy on the payroll who's job is to leak information? Informing the press and answering their questions is just pre-9/11 thinking.

    • Audience (chanting): Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!
      Stephen Colbert: I have a robot army.

    • Stephen Colbert: Author Caitlin Flanagan believes a woman's place is in the home. We'll debate the issue and I promise to let her win.

    • Stephen Colbert: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a baby. Can the South Park guys finish the script by tomorrow night?

    • Stephen Colbert: Global warming is real, and if you believe that, I've got some beachfront property in Arizona I'd like to sell you. Well, I will eventually.

    • Stephen: ...and that tonight's Word: Save it. As in, save your breath. We don't want to hear your arguments about Global Warming, the whole debate basically boils down to "Is it hot in here or if it just me?" (And 200 Nobel Laureates) You can quote all the scientific papers you want, but let's not forget the most important quote of all, Genesis chapter one, verse twenty eight. These are God's words to Adam, quote: "Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." The Lord's command here is very clear: (Just subdue it) God wants us to rough the Earth up a little bit. ("Moo" means "Yes") We've been bringing the hammer down since day one. Look at Adam, first thing Adam did was kill the dinosaurs, fossilized them and bury them. (They looked at his woman) Pollution is just the latest expression of God's will. (Holy crap) It lets planet know who's the man, man is. (Man=The Man)

      Nature needs a firm hand. Have you ever seen what Nature is like when left to its own devices? It's messy, brutal chaos. (Nature abhors vacuuming) It is constantly crying out for boundaries and discipline. (Make the cranes run on time) And folks, animals are like children, unless we cage and control them they go crazy, pooping everywhere and eating each other. (It's true; I've met his kids) But really, there's a better reason to keep that mass extinction list growing, (Stephen looks good in panda) we still haven't fully proven our dominion over Nature yet. (It's still twitching) I mean walking upright, developing languages, building civilization, discovering science, reaching into outer space, then looking back at Earth with the perspective to understand that we might be doing something to destroy the planet's delicate ecosystem? Sorry, just isn't enough. (To impress dad) I'm still not convinced that I'm better than a fern, but once all the plants and animals are gone, I think that will prove it one way or the other. To me and Dr. Dobson.

      That's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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