The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 2

Carl Bernstein

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 10, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Carl Bernstein
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of The Secret Man: The Story of Watergate's Deep Throat, Carl Bernstein.

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  • Stephen tries to teach children about bears.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Carl Bernstein to deer carcasses and children

    Stephen starts off the show by mentioning again his news about the word "truthiness." He shows some of what went down in last night's episode, where he took the E. Street Band off of the "On Notice" list. Stephen turns his attention Steven Van Zandt and asks him where he was when he heard he and the E. Street Band is no longer on notice. Stephen tells Steven he's going to receive an official "You're Off Notice" basket, full of gifts.

    Stephen then moves on to a story about a news article about baby boomers. This somehow brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Sleeper Cell." Stephen tells us that baby boomers have been a growing threat for years, and now that they're retiring, they will have a huge affect on the social security program and pension systems.

    Back from commercial, Stephen shows us a silly letter from a child, asking why Stephen is so "anti-bear". Stephen shows some of the various "pro-bear" propaganda. Stephen decides to start a new segment where questions from kids are answered by experts. The piece gets a little over the top for kids when people describe how how they grind up bears after killing them.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces tonight's guest, Carl Bernstein. Their discussion was a bit about Watergate and how it's similar to President Bush's problems with speaking the truth.

    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show by responding to viewer mail.

    The segment with bears, deer, and children was likely the highlight of the night. The rest of the show was pretty good as usual, however.moreless
  • Stephen Colbert\'s Balls......for Kids : Bears. Need I say more.

    That was hilarious, probably funniest bit i\'ve ever seen on the show (there are lots to choose from of course).

    The guest, Carl Bernstein, stumped Colbert on one of his questions about something, i sort of drifted off into thought for a moment. Overall great episode, every episode is original and hilarious. I hope he does Stephen Colbert\'s Balls.....for Kids again, that segment was hilarious, those kids reactions were great (even though more than likely they were set up, who cares).moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: …and that brings us to tonight's Word: Sleeper Cell. Since the end of World War II a grave threat to our national security has been developing right here on American soil. (Gay cowboys?) Baby boomers are finally reaching retirement age and they will kick off their golden years by holding America hostage. (al AARP-a) Each retiree will want money from the Treasury, and their demands are terrifying. Three point nine trillion in government pensions, thirty trillion in Medicare, and twelve point seven trillion in Social Security. (That's a lot of cataract sunglasses) That's almost fifty trillion dollars that in the future the Pentagon won't have. (Goodbye robot army) That is money that could be used to protect those of us whose prostates are not enlarged. (Is walnut too big?) Now, we should have seen this coming. For decades baby boomers have displayed a flagrant ingratitude that has threatened the very foundation of our society. In the late 50's they turned against everything that America stood for, (Fearing black people) and they made it uncool to respect authority. (Father knows crap) In the 60's they didn't appreciate the war we started just so they could fight. (Too "Senseless Deathy") And in the 70's they didn't respect the President, (Bernstein, you're still on notice) or the illegal wiretaps he used to protect them. (Everything old is new again)

      By the 1980's it looked like they'd come around, selling out their values and their music. (Imagine all the people…in a Buick Skylark) Well, it turns out they were just biding their time, waiting to detonate their demographic suitcase bomb. It is our duty to stop these sexegeterrorists (Trademarked term) from destroying our way of life. Companies like Verizon, Lockheed-Martin and IBM are already doing their part. They've launched a preemptive strike against the boomers by cutting pensions and worker benefits. But it's not enough, (Operation Enduring Old Age Alone) we need a bold plan to deal with them. (Soylent Green?) Some way to make sure that they will never bother us again. (Oh. Guantanamo Bay) Before the United States goes boom

      And that's the Word

    • Stephen (on baby boomers): Their demands are terrifying: $3.9 trillion in government pensions, $30 trillion in Medicare, and $12.7 trillion in Social Security. That's money that could be used to protect those of us whose prostates aren't enlarged.

  • NOTES (1)


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