The Colbert Report

Season 1 Episode 14

Catherine Crier

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 08, 2005 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Catherine Crier
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes CourtTV anchor, Catherine Crier!

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  • Stephen offers his opinion on Terrell Owens, and looks at torture.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from a Terrell Owens to torture.

    Stephen starts off by talking about Senator McCain passing a bill in the Senate, forbidding torture.

    Stephen then talks about a previous interview with Bradley Whitford. Stephen claimed bloggers got ahold of video prior to the interview, showing him making fun of Asian people.

    Stephen then moves right into tonight's "The Word", which is "T.O." Terrell Owens was in a lot of trouble with his team and organization for some things he said and getting into a fight with a teammate. Stephen suggests that people should back off great athletes, even if they're accused of murder.

    Back from commercial, Stephen is back with another "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger" segment. The first Tip of the Hat goes to convicted murders for escaping from prison, and challenging prisons to increase the level of security. Next was a Tip of the Hat to Yale University School of Music, who, thanks to an anonymous donor of $100 million, will be offering free tuition to all students. Next was a Wag of the Finder for the anonymous donor who was too afraid to show himself. Stephen goes on to say that he was the donor, since no one is going to prove him wrong. Up next was a Wag of the Finger to the Black Hole at the center of the universe for sucking in all that matter over so many years, and finally, a Wag of the Finger goes to upside-down Christmas trees; quit screwing with Christmas.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Catherine Crier, from Court TV. Their discussion was primarily about the way she got into politics and the justice system. They also discussed courts and judges quite a bit, and Stephen also brought up her horse breeding, and wondered why Arabian horses were her choice.

    Back from commercial, Stephen talks about having mentors. For Stephen, it's actor Wilford Brimley, who took him under his wing. Stephen proceeded to play a phone call from Wilford Brimley, who seemed to wake up Stephen at 3am. Stephen then checks in on what's on tap for tomorrow's morning show.

    Another great episode. The Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger segment was very funny, as always. The final piece about Wilford Brimley wasn't as good as the rest of the show, however.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth! But, I've got oven mitts!

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: T.O. Of course, we all know what that stands for: (Totally Obnoxious) Terrell Owens. (Same diff) Now, I'm not a big sports fan unless you include cock-fighting, (Cock-thusiast) but my alarm bells go off when our heroic American athletes are unfairly victimized. Yesterday the Philadelphia Eagles, and is makes me sick that they even get to use that name, ("Philadelphia") announced that Owens would be suspended for the rest of the season, just because he trash talked his fellow players. (Tough love) And may have thrown a few punches at them. (Tougher love) But the rule-nazis at the Philadelphia Eagles have evidentially forgotten something important, Terrell is a very good football player and people who are good at something are exempt from the rules. It is time to get off our sports heroes backs, take poor Rafael Palmero. So what if he testified before Congress than he never used steroids then failed a drug screening five months later. (Pants on fire) The man has over 3000 hits and over 500 home runs. If he wants to, he's got the right to shoot angel dust into his eyeballs. (Don't try that) Asking athletes to be both good players and good people is just too much pressure the kind of pressure that can only be relived by taking a year off to smoke pot. And it does not stop. Just today it was announced that now the murder police are after Phillies pitcher Ugeth Urbina, alleging that he threatened employees at his family's ranch with a machete and tried to set them on fire. Should he go to prison for that? Well, let's check his record. (44-49 Record, 237 Saves, 3.45 ERA) String him up. But still, the good players like Terrell Owens, (Hits teammates) Ron Artest, (Hits fans) or Ricky Williams (Hits bong) leave them alone. They're not hurting anyone, other than the people they're assaulting.

      And that's the Word.

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