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The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 95

Charles Kaiser

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 25, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Charles Kaiser
Tonight Stephen welcomes journalist and author of The Gay Metropolis: The Landmark History of Gay Life in America, Charles Kaiser.
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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (6)

      • Stephen: My guest tonight has written a history of gay culture since the 1940's. I'll ask him how it lasted so long when they can't reproduce.

      • Stephen: If I've said it once, I've said it two hundred and eighty-seven times. This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: My guest Charles Kaiser has written a history of gay culture. I don't care what books he plugs in the privacy of his own bedroom but don't rub our noses in it.

      • Stephen: My guest Charles Kaiser has written a history of gay culture. I don't care what books he plugs in the privacy of his own bedroom but don't rub our noses in it.

      • Stephen: …they do bring us to tonight's Word: No Regrets. Folks, I don't believe in removing tattoos. Once you commit to something you have got to stick with it forever (Especially you, Comedy Central) otherwise you are admitting you made a wrong decision and that casts doubts on all your decisions. If you changed your mind about that Poison tattoo from the 80s, how is anyone going to take that Good Charlotte seriously? (Seriously, Good Charlotte?) You shouldn't change your mind even if you know you did make a mistake. Just because your tattoo of the Chinese character for "courage" really turns out to mean "rice cake," that doesn't mean you should take it off. Show some courage! (Or rice cake) These wishy washoff tattoos are just a sign of our permissive society. The idea that you can change anything is why our divorce rate if over 50 percent. (And Giuliani's not helping) And folks, I have got the same problem with organ transplants. I say you dance with the liver you come with. What is next? A way to reverse the death penalty? If we did that we'd have to explain ourselves to the people we wrongly executed. Awkward.

        Of course, the most important thing we need to make permanent are our beliefs. Think about it, if our beliefs never changed, every Christian would still be a Catholic. (And the Pope would still be a Nazi) So instead of making tattoos temporary, let's use tattoos to make our beliefs permanent. (A mind is a terrible thing to change) If you, at some point in the past, said something bold like: "Thank God that George Bush is out President" don't back away from it, own it! [Giuliani with that tattooed on his forehead] And if when a resolution to authorize force in Iraq you voted "aye" why not put this on your forehead? [Hillary Clinton with a third eye] The point is you should never regret a decision and I am walking the walk folks. I feel so strongly about tonight's Word, I got it tattooed on my arm. [Actually says No egrets] No regrets. (No regrets)

        And that's the Word.

        [Looks at arm] What!? No egrets!? Oh, I love egrets. [Production logo comes up] I'm sorry buddy. We'll be right back.

      • Stephen: Tonight, scientists develop a removable tattoo. Sorry cure for cancer, first thing's first.

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