The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 16

Christine Todd Whitman

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Feb 02, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Episode Summary

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Christine Todd Whitman
AIRED:
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of It's My Party, Too: The Battle for the Heart of the GOP and the Future of America, Christine Todd Whitman!

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Today
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7:00pm
COMEDY
11:30pm
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Tuesday
1:30am
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11:30pm
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Wednesday
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SUBMIT REVIEW
  • Stephen compares the two cities involved in the Super Bowl.

    8.2
    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Christine Todd Whitman to the Superbowl.



    Stephen starts off the show by mentioning today is Groundhog's Day, and then moves into brief coverage of the Supreme Court.



    Stephen then moves on to the subject of Super Bowl, and offers some of his recipes for chili. The Super Bowl takes into tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Aggravated Assault." Stephen compares Seattle to Pittsburg and says Oregon, the state south of Washington is actually another Canada.



    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another installment of "Better Know A District," which takes a look at the 8th district of New York. We now cut to Stephen's interview with Jerrold Nadler. They have a very peculiar conversation on a number of subjects, including the patriot act.



    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Christine Todd Whitman. They have a fairly engaging conversation on the Republican party.



    Tonight's episode was fairly average; the highlight was "The Word" segment, of course.moreless

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  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: I just saw my shadow, and that means six more weeks of the truth.

    • Stephen: ...which bring me to tonight's Word: Aggravated Assault. Each year the Superbowl is watched by over a billion viewers. (The non Oscars billion) This time around it's Pittsburgh versus Seattle. Old Economy (Steel) vs New Ecomony. (Internet Porn) An east coast meat and potatos town, all heart, (American's clogged right ventricle) versus a city that calls this (picture of the Space Needle) a skyscraper. How's a giant monkey supposed to climb that? Gotta be honest, I've always had a problem with Seattle. Not that Seattle doesn't have guts, it's sandwiched dangerously between two Canadas. Canada Canada and Oregon, California's Canada. Now save your letters Oregon, I don't read anything written on birch bark. But I lost a bundle on a Seattle based web startup back before the bust. My lawyers are not done with you eMandolin.com.

      So my money (What's left of it) is on Pittsburgh. When hunky quarterback Ben Roethlisberger brings home the Lombardi Trophy he'll give the people of Steel Town another reason to smile. (Previous reason: End of 1877 coal fire) Of course, no matter who wins this Sunday, the real winners will be the players who win. (Winners win) Champions have a special place in our culture, a place above the law. We reward outstanding athletic achievement with a lifetime get out of jail free card. (Criminolopy) Two weeks ago Sean Locklear of the Seahawks was charged with assaulting his girlfriend. Chances are, if the Seahawks win, he walks. (To Disney World) Just look at Kobe Bryant. Now that he's scored 81 points no one even remembers what he was on trial for. (Racketeering? Something with an "R") You know I love Michael Jordan, but during his prime he routinely got away with highway robbery. ($250 for sneakers?!)

      A lot of people say athletes getting away with crime sends the wrong message to our children. (Even worse than Spongebob) Children who naturally love to break rules now have another reason to idolize these monsters of the midway. I say we should harness their thirst for mayhem to steer them toward the fields we want our children to excel in. We want to raise math and science scores? Fine, let scientists and mathematicians commit random acts of violence without repercussions. (Unleash nerd fury) That way kids will want to be like them. Parents can help. If your kid gets an "A" in physics, let him shoplift. (Swipe a calculator) If he aces the SAT let him pop a cap in they ass. (Stephen is very street) It's called positive reinforcement, football itself is very instructive, you could teach your kids just watching the game about odds and probabilities. (And point spreads) And hey, if you are actually at the stadium in Detroit, right after the game you can start teaching your kids about thermodynamics by tipping some cars and setting them on fire.

      And that's the Word.

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