The Colbert Report

Season 5 Episode 135

Cornel West

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 26, 2009 on Comedy Central
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Cornel West
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Tonight Stephen welcomes Princeton professor and author of Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir, Cornel West.
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      • Stephen: This week the United States Supreme Court stopped the release of the petitioners names, but it is only a temporary reprieve folks, and it brings us to tonight's Word: Don't Ask Don't Tell. This case involves Americans most precious rights, (To have a gun at Applebee's?) the freedom of speech. Now sure this petition affects legislation, is part of the public record and the law says voters have the right to know who signed it, (Rhymes with "Schmormons") but the lawyer for Protect Marriage Washington James Bopp says: "The First Amendment protects citizens from government compelled disclosure of their identity when they are engaged in political speech." Exactly! Signing a petition is a sacred trust between you and a stranger at a folding table outside the mall. Just image what would happen if those signatures were released. I'll let a man with a strange name explain.

        [Video: Eddie Spaghetti: Who knows where these digital copies of our personal identitifiers end up….they could end up in China.]

        Stephen: God knows what would happen if our names ended up in China! (Sold back to us as toothpaste?) Folks, this is a terrible invasion of the petitioners privacy. If those names are release we would all then know the signers sexual orientation orientation. By which I mean their orientation about other people sexual orientation and that's a very personal thing. (The hate that dare not speak its name) Now some say: Hey, too bad, they chose to sign this petition. But folks, I don't believe it is a choice, I believe you're born thinking that gays don't have the right to get married or even be joined in union. (Awkward for twins) And folks, the gays have no right to out those people. (Yet another right they don't have) Now my personal sexual orientation orientation is a matter of public record. I've said countless times that I don't believe gays should be allowed to marry or get drivers licenses or join the Subway Sub Club. (Gives new meaning to $5 footlong)

        But some of these petition signers may have open minded parents who aren't ready to accept that their child is intolerant. They also may not be ready to tell their coworkers that their friend Phillip isn't just a "roommate" but a very special someone who helps them make up facts about Scandinavia. (Swedish fish stories) Folks, we need to protect this persecuted minority and the only way I can see to do that is for Washington residents to vote in favor of gay domestic partnership because then no one will care who signed the petition and these people can stay in the closet the gay people have abandoned. (Don't ask don't tell)

        And that's the Word.

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