The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 76

Cullen Murphy

0
Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 07, 2007 on Comedy Central
8.9
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Episode Summary

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Cullen Murphy
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes Vanity Fair editor and author of Are We Rome?: The Fall of an Empire and the Fate of America, Cullen Murphy.

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (5)

    • Stephen: How many times do I have to tell you this is the Colbert Report? One more? Fine. This is the Colbert Report!

    • Stephen: Hillary Clinton is dropping "Rodham" from her name. Now if she only she'd drop "Presidential" and "Candidate".

    • Stephen::...Now the authorities reported the Pope was never in danger, but we have evidence that it was in fact an extremely close call. Jimmy, play the clip again, but this time bump up the audio.

      (Pope video with bumped up audio.)

      Man: Hey your holiness! I got chocolate on my hands! I'm gonna wipe them on you! I got chocolate on my...Ow! He looks like a big napkin. He looks like a big napkin!

      (End video.)

      Stephen: Scary stuff...Chocolate would not come out of that outfit. Kind of does look like a big napkin. And I'm guessing it has anti-bacterial properties.

    • Stephen: It's a question which brings us to tonight's Word: Rodham. As in Rodham Hillary Clinton Rodham. A meticulously focus grouped flip flopper who will do anything to be elected President. ("Hillary '08: I'll eat a bug") Folks, you don't see the other 17 Presidential candidates dropping their maiden names, (And Obama's is "Hussein") for too many years women in public life have had an unfair advantage when it comes to media attention. If Hillary has a bad hair day, that's front page news! (Unless John Edwards has worse one) Just look at the scoop Chris Matthews reported about Hillary's pearls after the first Democratic debate.

      Video: Chris Matthews: First of all, her pearls? Grace Kelly. Dynamite.]

      Stephen: Chris hasn't been this excited since he saw diamond earrings on a potato. But Mrs. Rodham Clinton Rodham is not the only woman exploiting the feminine advantage. Listen to what the Baltimore Sun had to say about Nancy Pelosi. Quote: "At a forum to discuss heath care during the Democratic National Convention, Pelosi's bold yellow pantsuit was accentuated with a scarf, neatly wrapped and tucked at her neckline." Well played Nancy. You won this round on health care. I mean no one talks about Republican leader John Bayner's bold yellow pantsuits, if that's what he was wearing, I'll never know. (Whatever it was, you know, he "worked" it) The point is, Mrs. Rodham Clinton Rodham Hamrod Rodham is going to skate to victory unless the news media give equal time to men. For instance, Republican candidate Mike Huckabee, the man lost 110 pounds! Could we get an adjective or two about how his pants fit!? (Intelligently designed?) Or maybe Rudy Giuliani, he's been married three times. How about a story about why he hasn't changed his name. (To "Sept. 11th")

      Now I don't want the media to stop judging Hillary on her name or her pants or her hair, just apply the same microscope to the male candidates. Because if Hillary's name is more important that John McCain's shoes, there's something seriously wrong with the way we cover politics.

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen: The 9th district is proud to be the nation's number one producer of rhubarb. Which is like being the nations number two producer of rhubarb in that no one cares either way. What really catches the public's attention is the 9ths notable production of lettuce, cabbage, berries, beans and daffodil bulbs. Toss them all together and it's a great recipe for attracting illegal immigrants. Every June residents flock to Yelm Prairie Days, a celebration of the prairie lifestyle. Highlights include building a sod lean-to, wearing a sun bonnet and eating the dead to get through a long winter. The beautiful valleys of the 9th were carved thousands of years ago by enormous, slow moving glaciers, but thanks to global warming we'll soon have our revenge. Glaciers, do not f*@k with the U.S. of A. Famous residents of the district include notorious American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar. If you would like us to never make reference to him again, dial 1-866-436-5703 and text the word "Enough."

  • NOTES (1)

  • ALLUSIONS (0)

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