The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 143

Dan Rather

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 13, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Dan Rather
Tonight Stephen welcomes former CBS News anchor Dan Rather.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: Once the democrats took the senate we all thought about killing ourselves. Hell… when my driver took me home last Thursday I asked him to stay with me in the garage with the motor running and the door closed.

        Someone got to drive me around in heaven.

      • Stephen: I'm gonna drop the truth on you like Denise Richards laptop on an old lady's head. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: Well on behalf of the President and all sons everywhere, I'd like to say something to the dads we can never seem to please and it's tonight's Word: Back Off, Old Man! I'm an adult now, you are not the boss of me! (Cheney is) I don't have to justify my actions to you! (That's Tony Snow's job) I can do whatever I want and you're just gonna have to get used to it. (Congress did) 'Cause I don't live by your rules! (Like Geneva Conventions) So don't try to fit me into your little box. (Little box strictly for detainees) Well I'm sorry dad if I didn't get the grades you wanted me to (31% approval rating) and I'm sorry if I was never captain of the baseball team (Despite owning it) but listen up, I've done things you'll never do. (Like get re-elected) Hey I may make mistakes but they're my mistakes and I pay the consequences. (Along with the troops) You know what? You're just jealous because I'm realizing the dreams you gave up on! (Like killing Saddam) You know what? I have my own dreams! (#1: Escape impeachment) Yeah you think you're such a big man, well I hate you and so does everyone I know! (Except Bill Clinton) You know what? I wish I was adopted. (Or developed from existing stem cell lines) 'Cause no matter what you think I don't need your help. (Just your rolodex) So just back off old man!

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

      • Stephen: I'm so happy that the mid-term elections are behind us. If you ask me, those endless months of politicking and mudslinging distracted us from what really is important; The 2008 Presidential Election! Now nation, as you know, I kicked off the presidential campaign last Thursday when I announced my support for Vladimir Putin(pulls out a Putin '08 banner). Ok, he's got the skills to pay the bills.

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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