The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 23

David Brooks

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Feb 23, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

David Brooks
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of On Paradise Drive: How We Live Now (And Always Have) in the Future Tense, David Brooks!

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  • Stephen discusses the death penalty and medicare.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from the Katrina report to lethal injections.

    Stephen starts off the show by mentioning how he forgot to mention bears in last night's edition of "The Threatdown." He says he thought that since they were hibernating, it wasn't necessary to list it. Unfortunately, it seems a bear crashed a hockey game, injuring people. Because of this, Stephen introduces a bonus edition of "The Threatdown", which has only one threat, which is, of course, bears.

    Stephen moves on to the report that the White House released about the Hurricane Katrina disaster. Not agreeing with the report, Stephen displays a little graphical report of his own.

    Stephen then moves on to the news about two doctors who refused to oversee death penalty proceedings. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Hippocratical." Stephen goes off on a rant on the death penalty and how we need an actual group of people to oversee the death proceedings, since not all doctors believe in the death penalty.

    Back from commercial, Stephen discusses the complex medicare health plan, and then shows clips of Senators attacking the plan because they believe the winners in this plan are the pharmaceutical companies. Stephen rolls a clip from the Prescott Group. The video, narrated by Ed Helms, is very pro-pharmaceutical company.

    Back from another commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, David Brooks. They debate port security, something Stephen's got mixed feelings about.

    Tonight's episode was fairly average; the interview with David Brooks wasn't especially funny. The video from the Prescott Group was one of my favorite segments.moreless
David Brooks (II)

David Brooks (II)


Guest Star

Ed Helms

Ed Helms

Prescott Group Video Narrator (uncredited)

Guest Star

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: Research has shown that even under the best conditions, lethal injection is still a very painful way to die. I don't know how they found that out, I guess they killed someone and then asked them.

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Hippocratical. Doctors, you're being hypocritical about your Hippocratic Oath. (Clever) Now, I've never been a big fan of doctors, they're bossy. Who are they to tell me that a cholesterol count of 320 is dangerous? Take a look at this, this is a potato chip smeared with crunchy peanut butter. (Actually quite tasty) That tastes like deep fried liberty. (Freedom, fried) So, doctor doctor, Mr. MD, don,t tell me what,s in my gut (23 feet of small intestine) because I know it's full of patriotism. Something these California anestegi-eew-logists are sorely lacking. When your country, or your state calls on you to do your duty don,t hide behind your professional ethics. You don,t see me exercising journalistic ethics. (Damn straight) The government asks me for one of my sources, I sing like a bird. (Bald Eagle) These doctors were more than happy to assist in the execution when it was going to be a bon voyage party for a convicted murderer. (Holiday on Ice) But as soon as they found out it might pinch a bit, they had second thoughts. What part of death or penalty confused them before? There's a reason it's not called the "Death Prize." (Already taken by "Best Supporting Actress")

      Evidently, today's physicians are not up to snuff. (Or snuffing) That's why I'm calling for our medical schools to train of new breed of physician, a specialist, who cures society of its ills, by killing people. We won't call him a physician; we'll come up with a new name. (Mortician?) They'll go to medical school, do a residency, sleep with each other in the on call room, all the things real doctors do. (On Grey's Anatomy) Then we modify the Hippocratic Oath so there's no conflict. (Second, Do No Harm; First, Do As You're Told) This way, we can start clearing out Death Row quickly and efficiently. (Stay competitive with China) But just to be clear, we're talking just about executions here, not assisted suicide or living wills, (Kinda creepy) that is an individual deciding to die, which I'm no fan of. (Of which I am no fan) Thank you. The death penalty is when we as a society decide who dies and when. (See "Lord of the Flies") It's right there in the Declaration of Independence. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. (Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness) Except change "Life" to death. (Death, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness) And it's really more the pursuit of death. (Death, Liberty and the Pursuit of Death) And for safety sake, let's just change "Liberty" to Death as well. (Death, Death and the Pursuit of Death)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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