The Colbert Report

Season 6 Episode 24

David Ross

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Feb 11, 2010 on Comedy Central
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David Ross
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes the director of the Whitney Museum of American Art, David Ross. Also, Stephen talks with NBC sports broadcaster Al Michaels.
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    • Stephen: It look folks like the Republicans need another way to block Obama's block of their blocking of healthcare, and it is the subject of tonight's Word: Political Suicide. Folks, Obama has put Republicans in an uncomfortable position, (Anything but missionary) he has invited them to his White House summit so he can hear their healthcare ideas, which they asked him for. And it's going to be televised, which they also asked him for. What next? Growing the mustache they asked him for? [Hitler Obama] And they have to go to the summit, right blonde haired guy who is Steve Doocey?

      [Video: Steve Doocey: You don't want to see the President say, welcome to the summit, it's bipartisan, can you guys zoom the cameras out and look, these are the empty chairs where all the Republicans would have been sitting.]

      Stephen: Someone has to be there to present Republican ideas, (Unless chairs can say "no") but, and here's the worst case scenario, Obama takes some of their core ideas, blends them with some of the Democrats core ideas and through compromise get something done, which would refute the Republicans core idea: (Tax cuts for fetuses?) That government can't get anything done. (Seems good at taking snow days) And Republicans were doing such a good job at getting nothing done. (Git'er none!) With over 200 filibusters in that last three years they've prevented more action than my college roommate Eric. Dude! There was a coat hanger on the door knob. We had a system. Even being in Congress is a danger, just by showing up to work Republicans sometimes accidentally do things. Like December 15th when Congress passed a resolution reaffirming the status of Jazz as a national treasure. I am going to blame that one on Orin Hatch, he is one hep cat. (Has a cat with hepatitis) But thankfully the Republicans have found a way out of Obama's trap, (Gnawing off their leg?) by calling it a trap.

      [Video: Sean Hannity: Is he setting a trap for the Republicans to go to a meeting on Heathcare even though he's shut them out for the entire year?
      Dick Morris: Well I think he hopes to set a trap…
      John Boehner: I don't want to walk into some trap…
      Rush Limbaugh: This is nothing more than a trap…
      Admiral Ackbar: It's a Trap!]

      Stephen: Mitch McConnell is right. If Republicans show up at a "summit" people are going to expect Republicans to present healthcare ideas. ("Got cancer? Here's some Robitussin.") But if the public knows the meeting is a "trap" they're sitting at the conference table doing this, by the way, I'm churning butter, that makes the Republicans look wise to Obama's game. You see, this is a great solution. The Republicans should take it further and give everything associated with legislating a name that makes it seem sinister. A committee meeting can be called a death panel. Voting can be called genocide. Co-sponsoring legislation is, let's say, hot man on goat action. (Co-sponsored by Senator David Vitter) And we can rename bipartisan compromise just what it would be for all the Republicans who have demonized Obama: Political suicide)

      And that's the Word.

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