The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 140

David Simon

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 29, 2008 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the creator of HBO's The Wire and Generation Kill, David Simon.

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen Colbert: Oh, oh, or remember the one where for years he said he was against Bush's tax cuts for the rich? But now..(giggles a lot and can hardly speak for laughing) he wants to make them permanent. You know they say when your taxes go up it's tragedy but when it happens to the poor it's comedy

      • Stephen: Tonight: More Republicans endorse Barack Obama. Great, now Republicans will have to suppress their own turnout. And it's the 79th anniversary of the stock market crash. I believe 79 is the bread crust anniversary. Plus my guest is David Simon, creator of HBO's The Wire. I imagine this interview will be critically acclaimed but underappreciated. I don't pay attention to polls, I just count lawn signs. So get ready for President RE/MAX! This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: Nation, I have no choice but to respond to my fellow prominent conservatives who have the gall to endorse Barack Obama, which brings me to tonight's Word: I Endorse Barack Obama. I know this is shocking and I can tell that you're angry, but it is the only solution to what I see as a crisis, namely the crisis that these guys [Colin Powell, Susan Eisenhower, William Weld, Scott McClellan, Ken Adlemen] are getting attention and I'm not. (Dude, your DNA is in space) It is time for the media to stop covering these has bens and start covering this is be. I mean, all over the news yesterday I'm hearing the words William Welds. I believe the last time that name made news is when Eliot Spitzer used it to check into a hotel. (Only protection he used) They should be talking about me, because my endorsement of Obama just now took real courage. The courage to cross party lines, from a Party that is a sagging mass of flaming agony to the Party that looks like it's got a pretty good shot of winning this thing. (Someone, knock on wood. I have no arms!)

        Wow. Wow, I am bold. Just going to take a second here to drink myself in. Jimmy, can we get a long shot of me please? [camera view changes] That's a good shot of me, that's what I look like when I'm being bold. (This is what I look like in bold)[camera goes back] Plus if I endorse Barack Obama and he wins, I will be associated with a winner, and if there's one thing that this campaign has tought us is that we are defined by our associations. [Photo of Obama, Reverend Wright, William Ayes and a chupacabra] Oh, you'll find out all about Obama's relationship with the chupacabra this weekend. He launched his political career in its lagoon. (Fact check: Chupacabra is desert creature) And finally, this is a terrible economy and we may all be out of work soon. Endorsing Obama means I'll be on his good side when I apply to get a job running the combine at the new national farm collective. (Only crop: arugula) And so it is for all these reasons that I, prominent conservative Stephen Colbert, am hereby endorsing Barack Obama. (Not enough to lure him away from The Daily Show)

        Of course folks, I just want to be clear, that does not mean I am voting for him. I am not crazy. (Also not registered) There are plenty of things out there that you can endorse but not do anything to support. (Like the Constitution) For instance in Japan I endorse a very popular energy drink called: Pow Yum Power Jogging Now Juice. But I would never drink it, it makes you poop Hello Kitty. No, I am voting for John McCain. He may be in an uphill struggle these final days but I believe he can still win. He just needs to do something to prove he has the judgment to lead and knows where this country wantd to go. You know what, I got it, Senator McCain, you need to endorse Barack Obama. That would really make you look like a maverick.

        And that's the Word.

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