The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 74

David Sirota

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 14, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

David Sirota
Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of Hostile Takeover, David Sirota.

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen: [Georgia's] Eighth was originally the domain of the Creek Indians, ceded to the US government in 1821 by Chief Macintosh, son of a Scottish father and a Creek mother, who believed Indians and White settlers could live in peace. Sadly, he was proven wrong in 1825 by fellow tribesmen who killed the Indian half of him for giving up tribal lands and the white half for taking them.

    • Stephen: (on President Bush's surprise trip to Iraq) A man as powerful as the President can be anywhere at any time. You may think he's vacationing at the ranch; when he's actually vacationing at Camp David. Same goes for me. It may look like I'm sitting at this desk. But am I? (Stephen disappears from the screen shot) Where did I go?

    • Stephen: Loosen your belts America, I'm gonna force feed you truth like a grain down a goose's gullet. This is the Colbert Report.

    • Stephen: The answer is tonight's Word: License Renewal. Three and half years ago the American people issued this government a license to invade Iraq, (Afghanistan was learner's permit) and just like your diver's license, their war license has to be renewed before it expires. This resolution is their new application. (Lied on first one) Now, I don't know about you, but between licenses some things about me change, (Used to be "Stephanie) and so my application changes. And the war is no different, a few things have changed. Minor things like, why are we there? (Besides "Oil") And how do we know when we've won? (With colorful banner?) So Congress has to update their application, but this resolution is more than just an application, it's a rock solid plan for victory. (In mid-term elections) That's why it must be approved, not just by Congress but by the American people. See, we Americans are like the DMV, (Surly and disinterested) we look over the application and decide if Congress is allowed back on the road. (To nowhere) And because this is a renewal, Congress doesn't have go through the rigmarole of a road test, and a booklet, and answering our questions about the rationale for war. (Why start now?) There is however an eye exam, but in this case, we have to take it. To make sure we still clearly see the reasons why we're fighting this war. Here it is, read the top to lines, [W M D] now the next one, [AL QAEDA] and the last one. [SADDAM 9/11] If you can read all those, and they make sense to you, well, license renewed.

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (1)


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