The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 142

Dean Kamen

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 09, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Dean Kamen
Tonight Stephen welcomes the founder of FIRST and President of DEKA Research and Development Corporation, Dean Kamen.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: Nation, on Tuesday I swore I'd never read another newspaper but last night I got really drunk and, uh, ... well I bought up the whole newsstand, back issues, Newsweek. I was reading'em two at a time. I even did a Sudoku.

      • Stephen: It's tonight's Word: Putin '08. Let's face it folks, the future's looking pretty grim for the Republicans. (Lobbyists won't return calls) They not only lost the midterms, they lost two of their brightest stars. According to the Washington Post: "The midterms effectively ended the Presidential ambitions of two Republican senators – Rick Santorum and George Allen." Santorum and Allen were the Republicans' great white hopes, (Can't get much whiter) and they had exactly what it takes to be the next President. (Nice brown hair and a penis) Now the field is wide open, (To lose to McCain) the Republicans need someone with proven leadership experience to take over once Bush is retired to the ranch. (To fight global war on brush) That is why I say we draft Vladimir Putin, he knows how to deal with a hostile news media. (Chloroform, burlap sack) And he is not afraid to get tough on terror. (Or civil liberties) Folks, he also believes in a strong executive branch. (He's the decider-ovich) Plus the Russians have experience fighting an unpopular war against a guerrilla army of Islamic insurgents. (Russia's Afghanistan: Afghanistan) And best of all, he knows Judo. Who's going to listen to Hillary when Putin's breaking a dozen bricks with his forehead? Of course technically our President must be an American citizen, but I'm sure there's a way around that. (Mr. Scalia, tear down this constitution!) Nation, if there's one thing I've learned from this past election is that victory is not guaranteed even if you have the best candidates. (And the most hackable voting machines) But by nominating Putin, the GOP would be making a clear statement that they're willing to win my any means necessary. If the Republicans do that, we'll be well on our way to turning this entire nation red. [Soviet Union Red]

        And that's the Word.

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