The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 154

Dr. Francis S. Collins

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Dec 07, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Dr. Francis S. Collins
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes the fromer head of the Human Genome Project and author of The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief, Francis Collins.
Tuesday
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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …and it brings us to tonight's Word: Case Closed: Miss de la Vega accuses the President and his team of quote: "Commit offense or to defraud the United States, a crime which is punishable by up to five years in prison." (Or twenty years in Iraq) The readers of this book [U.S. vs Bush] are supposed to act as a grand jury. After reading multi source testimony from public statements we're expected to conclude that the Bush administration broke the law. (They broke it, we bought it) Well I have news for Miss de la Vega, the only thing American like less than reading is jury duty. (Since O.J. no "zazz") You see, she doesn't even accused the President or his team of out right lying, (No smoking "Pants of fire") instead she alleges they used quote: "Deceit, craft, trickery, dishonest means, false and fraudulent representations…while knowing and intending that their false and fraudulent representations would influence the public and the deliberations of Congress…" Big deal. That's like holding in the NFL, you could call it on every play. (Lose 10 yards or 29 House seats)

      The evidence might seem compelling if you're some kind of fact fetishist, (Into leather-bound books) like the fact that the aluminum tubes were not used for nuclear weapons programs, like there was no yellow cake from Niger, like there were no mobile weapons labs, like the meeting between one of the 9/11 hijackers and Iraqi spy chief never happened. Well guess what, Miss de la Vega, (She's being audited?) you wouldn't even know all those claims were false if we hadn't invaded and found no evidence for them. (Shock and naught) I say open and shut. Even if Mr. Bush did everything Miss de la Vega says, we're talking about the President of the United States here. You can't accuse him of crimes. To support my case, I now call my surprise witness: President Richard Nixon in an interview from 1977. President Nixon, has President Bush done anything illegal?

      [Video: Richard Nixon: When the President does it that means that is it no illegal.]

      Stephen: No further questions. (Case Closed) And that's the Word.

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