The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 35

Ed Viesturs

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 14, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

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Ed Viesturs
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes mountain climber and author of No Shortcuts to the Top: Climbing the World’s 14 Highest Peaks, Ed Viesturs

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen (about NCAA tournament): After the sweet sixteen, Jesus will have to stay neutral or Bobby Knight will punch him in the throat.

    • Stephen: It's Pi Day today! Three point one four. That must be why I'm acting so irrational. This is the Colbert Report!

    • Stephen: Then, I interview mountain climber Ed Viesturs. Why? Because he's here.

    • Stephen: …and the answer is tonight's Word: High Fidelity. The pundit-ocracy out there is calling this another example of the Bush administration placing loyalty above competence. (But below doctoring intelligence) Wrong. They're not placing loyalty above competence, in the Bush administration loyalty is competence. (Heckuva job, brown nose) Look at Harriet Miers herself. Harriet Miers was loyal to George W. Bush and he rewarded that loyalty by nominating her to the Supreme Court. Then she exhibited even further loyalty by withdrawing her own nomination when it became clear she was unqualified. (You must be this tall to serve on the Supreme Court) So in the end, in the end folks, Harriet Miers showed her competence through her loyalty. (To the incompetent) But even Harriet Miers hasn't been as loyal as Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. And why shouldn't Gonzales be loyal? George Bush made him Attorney General, and White House counsel and before that Texas Supreme Court justice and Texas Secretary of State and Governor's general counsel. I believe Bush appointed Gonzales to his very first job as host at the Cracker Barrel. (Barely passed the salad bar)

      So when it comes to protecting the Constitution, Attorney General Gonzales doesn't just lick his finger and put it up in the air to see which way the rule of law is blowing. That's not his style. (Licks somewhere else) No, he agrees with the President no matter what. (He's the agree-er) So what? He fired U.S. Attorney Carol Lamb because, because while he could see clearly she's competent because she successfully prosecuted Republican Congressman Duke Cunningham, he could even more clearly see she was incompetent because she successfully prosecuted Republican Congressman Duke Cunningham. (Catch-22 years in federal prison) My only concern is that the people they're getting to replace these fired U.S. Attorneys still aren't going to be competently loyal enough. Rather than appointing a bunch of egghead lawyers, President Bush should appoint people like Billy Bush. Who's more competent than family? Plus, as the host of NBC's Access Hollywood he knows a thing or two about seeking the truth. ("Does Britney have a baby bump?") And if he's not loyal enough, I like the sound of U.S. Attorney Barney. He has the kind of skills the administration looks for in their federal prosecutors. (Rolling over)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)

  • ALLUSIONS (0)

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