The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 50

Elaine Pagels

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 17, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Elaine Pagels
Tonight Stephen welcomes scholar and author of Reading Judas: The Gospel of Judas and the Shaping of Christianity, Elaine Pagels.
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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (2)

      • A Chinese bootleg of Stephen's Formula 401 is shown briefly during Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger. The Chinese characters on the screen are: –¼ •û–B–@M'. Together this has no real meaning, but separately it can be translated as: Name, direction (or side), cooking, law, religious faith, declare.

      • The Word: Plan B.

    • QUOTES (5)

      • Stephen: It's a crucial turning point in the war and the subject of tonight's Word: Plan B. Democrats in Congress can't wait to declare defeat in Iraq simply because they don't believe in the President's bold new strategy of adding more troops to the bold old strategy. But the President was defended this pass week by friend of the show, Georgia Representative Phil Gingrey. That mustache is my white whale. Well Gingry recently appeared on Chris Matthews Hardball with a stunning revelation, his upper lip! He really didn't want me to comb that thing. And he also dropped some major news about our strategy in Iraq.

        [Video: Gingrey: Let's give victory a chance and then in August of 2008 if it's not working then indeed this President and the Republican majority from the last Congress, we do have a plan B, but we're not going to give it to the enemy.]

        Stephen: See? The President and the Republican majority from the last Congress have a plan b. You know what than means, they had a plan A. And plan A must be going according to plan otherwise they'd already be implementing plan B. (Stephen no slouch at alphabet) And indeed the President and the Republican majority from the last Congress can't come out and just tell everybody what plan B is. (Surprise! More troops!) Folks, it is irresponsible to give the insurgents any advance notice of our military plans. (Except a troop surge to secure Baghdad?) So just how secret is plan B? Well look at what John McCain told the New York Times quote: "I have no plan B." Republicans aren't even telling John McCain! (That is campaign is doomed) I wonder what plan B is, what could the "B" stand for? (Bietnam?) Hey! Maybe plan B is just part of plan A where plan A makes you think there's a plan B right outside the door. You know, like good cop, bad cop. Right now plan A, the good cop, is saying to the Iraqis: You better do what we want or else you'll have to deal with my partner plan B and he is one crazy motherf***er! You do not what to know what he's going to do to you! (Hint: It's not in the Geneva Conventions) But whatever it is folks I feel better just knowing it's there waiting in the wings if we need it. It's like Zanex, sometimes just knowing the bottle's in the cabinet is enough to calm me down. (Cabinet = stomach) But whatever the details of plan B are, I think the greater point that Representative Gingrey is making is that if just believe that the President and the Republican majority from the last Congress do have a plan B, and we don't ask what it is, then plan B can indeed accomplish something that no one thinks is possible. (Bringing back a Republican majority)

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: We are faced with the disturbing possibility that in the future, lesbians might have sex for something other than our entertainment.

      • Stephen (about Darwin): As you all know, he came up with evolution after visiting the Galapagos. I believe he was there on spring break. He got totally hammered, woke up in bed next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.

      • Stephen: I'd never get a four hundred dollar hair cut. I'd get one hundred dollar hair cuts four times a week. This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: Author Elaine Pagels stops by to say that Judas may not have been a traitor. I'll give her thirty pieces of my mind.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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