The Colbert Report

Season 5 Episode 55

Elizabeth Bintliff

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 23, 2009 on Comedy Central
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the West Africa Program Officer for Heifer International, Elizabeth Bintliff.
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      • Stephen: Tonight: Who's to blame for the economic crisis? All I can say is if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it. Then: More on the Obama birth certificate scandal, and just in time. I was starting to worry about more important things. And my guest, Elizabeth Bintliff of Heifer International, sends live animals to developing nations. Well, if she really wanted to help, she'd send food. My show is suitable for ages 9 to 99, after that, you're Willard Scott's problem. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: I say this ocean of unfocussed rage is a great untapped resource, and it brings us to tonight's Word: Brunt Double. Folks, we've tried blaming this global economic crisis on the people who are actually in control of the economy: the banks, the government, Jim Cramer's sound effects, but we are still angry, so now we are lashing out at whoever is handy. (Sorry, immediate family) For instance, employees of one division of AIG that had nothing to do with the meltdown of that company, were being so verbally abused on the way to and from work, they removed the name from the building and changed it from AIG to AIU. But if the public's anger about this bailout money continues, they may need to consider replacing another letter. [IOU] Or just take the New York Auto Show, it's usually an occasion to celebrate innovative engineering, cutting edge design, and black vinyl skirts. But this year, it turned ugly. (American car ugly) Turns out, visitors to the GM and Chrysler exhibits vented their rage at the auto industry by heckling the hired presentation models. One of them, Carrie Moss, had only taken the job because she was laid off from her previous job as a school teacher. Now sure, it was Chrysler head Robert Nardelli who actually sank the company, but an unemployed school teacher got to take the heat. (Hot-tempered for teacher)

        Now this, I think, could be the beginning of our economic recovery. (Does she have a trillion dollars?) After all folks, 3.7 million people have been laid off in the last 6 months. (Love working for you, Steve) I think citizens venting their anger on whoever's handy would be a great business model. (Makes Limbaugh $38 million a year) Alright, it's simple, Econ 101, it's supply and demand, we have a high demand to be angry at an easy target and we have a huge supply of the unemployed, easy targets. (And corn! Don't forget corn) I say we put the unemployed back to work, standing in public squares, street corners, bus stops, the back of elevators, so that when we're angry we can nut punch them, or taser them or whack them on the kneecap. (Job definitely shovel-ready) Folks, this, clearly, this is win-win. (And ouch-ouch) We all get our anger out, they get to bring home a car full of groceries. (Unless living in car) Now sure, those who are taking the brunt of this anger that is really due someone else, the brunt doubles if you will, might themselves get angry. (See glass thrown at them as half empty) But think of it, their anger will just create a new job for a new brunt double to take their abuse. (Pain it forward) Now, I know what you're thinking: You're thinking: Stephen, but what if we reach full employment, then there won't be anything to be angry about and the angry bubble will burst and we'll be right back where we are. (Owing anger to China?) Sure, I admit my plan wouldn't fix things, but that's only a problem if your goal was to fix things. (That's what our grandchildren are for) But I think the last few weeks of our national debate have taught us that our real focus is not on fixing things, it's on getting angry.

        [Video Clips: Man: We are mad as Hell and we're not going to take it anymore.
        Chris Casso: American people are finally fed up…
        Woman: We are fed up….
        Man #2: People are just fed up…
        Crowd: Enough is enough
        Man #3: We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!!!]

        Stephen: And until we can all agree who we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got. (Brunt double) And that's the Word.

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