The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 1

Ethan Nadelman

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 08, 2007 on Comedy Central
out of 10
User Rating
12 votes

By Users

Write A Review

Episode Summary

Ethan Nadelman
Tonight Stephen welcomes Princeton professor and co-author of Policing the Globe: Criminilizationand Crime Control in International Relations, Ethan Nadelman.
No results found.
No results found.
No results found.

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

  • QUOTES (5)

    • Stephen: Nation, we are running out of 'FUSSDIRAGs'. 'FUSSDIRAGs', of course, is my acronym for 'Former United States-Supported Dictators Internationally Reviled for Acts of Genocide'.

    • Stephen: And if you want to get away from the cold weather you can always go to Iraq. You get meals and entertainment comped and you won't have to worry about your seasonal affective disorder when you are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. They cancel each other out.

    • Stephen: It is okay to be gay for money. That feeling you can't fight is just the invisible hand of the market.

    • Colbert: On the 15th day of Christmas your true love gave you me...

      E. Nadelmann: We HAVE lost the war on drugs...

      Colbert: Sir, we have lost the war on drugs, when we withdraw from the war on drugs. While we are still in it, we haven't lost it, okay! I say we send 20,000 more troops in.

      E. Nadelmann: 20,000 more troops?

      Colbert: That'll do it!

      E. Nadelmann: Steven, you sound like a Communist.

      Colbert: A Communist?

      E. Nadelmann: You sound like a Communist!

      Colbert: Do I live in a commune... and have a love baby with my... with my 'buddy spider'.

      E. Nadelmann: The vast majority of Americans are not like you... they're too smart for that.

      Colbert: I am America Sir!

      E. Nadelmann: Yeah...bull

      Colbert: I'm thinking about cutting off your mic... just give me a second here.

      E. Nadelmann: I'll tell you something. You got to get drunk to watch O'Reilly, but half your audience probably lit up a joint before they turned on your show tonight.

      Colbert: Look I can't control what they do, all I can do is pass judgement.

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Facts. Now since the beginning of my show I've been on a crusade against facts. Too often they upset the truth that's in your gut, (Irritable belief syndrome) but that was when the Republicans were in power. Their version of reality was worth ignoring facts for. (And they did) Now the Democrats are running the show and their version of reality is unfortunately based on reality. And we have got to bring the fight to them. (Unless they're in a cave in Tora Bora) Fight fire with fire, fight facts with "facts." Here's a fact: The Democrats labeled the last Congress "Do Nothing," but since the Democratic Congress convened last Thursday they've already taken half their days off. (Saturday and Sunday) Okay, here's another fact: Barak Obama's middle name is Hussein. Sound familiar? Saddam Hussein's last name is Hussein. ( First name: "The Late") Scary, scary stuff, but this is even scarier.

      [Video: CNN announcer: …the classic Obama look, call it business casual, a jacket, collared shirt, but no tie. Ask yourself: Is there any other major public figure who dresses the way he does? Why yes: it's Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and maybe that's not the comparison a possible Presidential contender really wants to evoke.]

      Stephen: It is a fact that Barak Obama dresses like Mahmoud Achmenefrairesjaquesjad. It is also a fact that Mr. Obama is a carbon based life form, just like Osama Bin Laden. If Obama really wanted to separate himself from our enemies, wouldn't he try and be one of those sulfur based tube worms that live on the volcanic vents of the coast of Chile? (You know, like Ted Kennedy?) And take a look at this next fact: [Video: people shouting] that's Democratic Representative Ron Emmanuel ignoring a group of peace activist led by Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan, she was camped out in that hallway for God knows how long, how could anyone not sit down and speak with her. (Unless there's brush to be cleared) Another fact: Democratic Representative Keith Ellison of Minnesota was sworn into Congress on a Koran, I don't have to tell you what that means. (Ousted Republicans took Bibles with them) Until now my job has been to protect you from the facts. Now my job is to bring you the selected facts that will protect you. (Truth a la carte) These will be real that I can prove, or you can't disprove, to give you the real sense, the factiness if you will of what's going on in Washington. (Factiness © 2007) And sometimes it's going to be shocking folks. For instance, did you know that in 2002 the majority of Democratic Senators voted to invade Iraq? (Fact) They've been in power for two days now and it's their responsibility to get us out. (Factiness)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


Season 3 Episodes

See All
Ep 138
Walter Kirn
Ep 137
Col. Lawrence Wilkerson
Ep 136
Craig Venter
Ep 135
Richard Berman
Ep 134
Craig Newmark
Ep 133
Garry Kasparov
Ep 132
Bob Drogin
Ep 131
Paul Glastris
Ep 130
Chris Jordan
Ep 128
General Wesley Clark
Ep 128
Stephen Colbert
Ep 127
George Saunders
Ep 126
John Kao
Ep 125
Jim Lovell
Ep 124
John Mearsheimer
Ep 123
Charlie Savage
Ep 122
David Schwartz
Ep 121
Tony Bennett
Ep 120
John Grisham
Ep 119
Thomas Friedman
Ep 118
Jeffrey Toobin
Ep 117
Naomi Wolf
Ep 116
Susan Sarandon
Ep 115
Ed Begley Jr
Ep 114
Joel Klein
Ep 113
Garrison Keillor