The Colbert Report

Season 1 Episode 3

Fareed Zakaria

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 19, 2005 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Fareed Zakaria
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes journalist, Fareed Zakaria!

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  • Saddam is on trial now, what's Stephen's take on the whole thing?

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Saddam to Katie Holmes being pregnant.

    Stephen starts off by talking about the caramel apple he ate this morning to help wake up. He turns to stage manager, Bobby, who says he loves candied apples.

    Tonight's word is Disappointed. Stephen is looking forward to Saddam's trial, but was disappointed when the trial was put on hiatus. Stephen said people don't want to see the pilot and wait six weeks to see the second episode. Stephen then goes in to giving the producers of the show (the trial) some suggestions to re-tool it.

    Stephen then goes into a story about how the melting ice caps will allow for more Asian mail order wives to be sent over to the United States. Stephen then decides to end the debate regarding the fight between the whales, cod, seals, polar beats, and Eskimos. Stephen decides to give the win to the whales and cod.

    Returning from a commercial, Stephen confronts Bobby on something he said earlier. Bobby stated he loved candied apples, but Stephen says candied apples are different from caramel apples. Candied apples are terrible for kids. Stephen asks Bobby why he hates kids.

    Stephen goes to a new segment called a Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger, which has him tipping his hat to some people, while wagging his finger at others. He couldn't help but tip his hat to Tom Cruise for getting Katie Holmes pregnant.

    Returning from a commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Fareed Zakaria. Any regular Daily Show viewer recognizes him. The interview included discussions on Iraq, why the earth spins, and Stephen's fascination with balls.

    To end the show, Stephen reads some email from fans of the show. Much like the O'Reilly Factor, some simply praised him, and one criticized him.

    Another great show! The funniest segment was the Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger segment. I hope that this becomes a regular segment, like "The Word" is, which was hilarious as usual. The interview with Fareed Zakaria went as I figured it would, but ended on a hilarious note, which even made Stephen laugh.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen: Strap yourself in and flip the switch, 'cause you're about to get a Truthocution.

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Disappointed. I, like a lot of you I'm sure, have been looking forward to the start of Saddam's trail. The TV event of the year. It's like the Oscars, (Saddam trial=Oscars) but with atrocities. (+ testicle shocking) So last night, and this is what happened, last night I set my alarm for 3 A.M. and I snuggled up on the touch with a mug of cocoa and Mahmoud, my Arabic translator. He's a good guy. (One of the good ones) Now, I don't know who's producing this trial, (We are) but starting off by pushing it back to November 28th? Now I know November is a sweeps month, I get it, (I know Les Moonves) but you don't hook an audience by running the pilot and then going off the air for six weeks. If you're going to take this show on hiatus, for God's sake re-tool it. (Re-imagineer) Where's the cage? We were promised a cage! War criminals sit in a cage, (Caged heat) that is standard for both the Geneva and television conventions. Or have you people never seen the Adolph Eichmann show? Instead we got this. [Video of half cage/fence] That is not a cage, that is a playpen. The next time a two year old commits genocide we're all set. (It could happen)

      Come on, (Come on) this guy's a monster, at least have a proper perp walk. Put him an orange jumpsuit with some prison tats, or better yet, a Hannibal Lecter mask. (Didn't he eat Kurds?) And for God's sake, clean him up. He looks like he's doing a dinner theater production of "Fiddler on the Roof!" (I cried) Bring back the old Saddam, the one we know and loved, and then deposed. Shave the beard, keep the mustache, brush in a little Just For Men, that's your leading man right there. Remember this guy? [Video of Saddam shooting gun in the air] Oh that's him right there! I would give him back the rifle too. Just load it with fifty blanks and one real bullet. Builds tension. Now I'm not telling you how to do your job, but where is the sex? Maybe a woman, who should know better falls in love with him, then they consummate their love, maybe in the cage. (Yeah, right in the cage) Remember, this is the only character from the original war and the sequel that America still cares about. If you do this trial right, you can remind us why we tuned in to begin with. If you don't, we're all going to be very disappointed.

      And that's tonight's Word.

    • Fareed Zakaria: You've really got balls on your mind today, haven't you?

    • Stephen Colbert: For the next twenty three and-a-half hours, you're on your own. Make me proud.

  • NOTES (2)

    • Freedom Fact:
      America's 50 states are each better than the next, no matter what order you put them in.

    • Inbox Mail:

      Dear Stephen,
      You're great.

      -Rebecca D.
      Newton, MA

      Dear Stephen,
      You're wonderful.

      -Christopher R.
      New Paltz, NY

      Hey Colbert,
      How about checking your facts sometimes before you open your mouth?
      Michigan, where I live, is not a "Democratic Stronghold." We went Republican every election between '68 and '88 and we've had a Republican governor for 11 of the last 15 years. Also, the capital of Michigan is Lansing, not Detroit.

      -Laura Z.
      Battle Creek, MI


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