The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 7

Frank McCourt

0
Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 18, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.7
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Frank McCourt
AIRED:
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of Teacher Man: A Memoir, Frank McCourt!

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SUBMIT REVIEW
  • Stephen announces an all-education show.

    8.2
    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from education to bullying.



    Stephen starts off the show by mentioning an article he read in the Antigua Sun, which pointed out there is an education convention there. Stephen has decided to dedicate the entire show to education.



    As he's about to get into the next segment, he stops the show and takes a note away from a girl in the audience, as she was going to pass it off to someone else. Stephen walks back to his desk and reads it, but the girl insists she didn't write what she wrote.



    Stephen transitions into tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "smarterer", which is what we need to make our kids. Stephen insists we should change the "three R's" to religion, recruitment, and rage.



    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces "Bring Them Back or Leave 'Em Dead: Teacher's Edition." First up is Greek teacher and philosopher, Socrates, and the audience chooses "bring him back." Next was John Scopes, of Scopes/Monkey Trial fame, and the audience again chose "bring him back." Stephen wraps up the segment with Annie Sullivan, and the audience chose "leave 'em dead."



    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Frank McCourt. Since Frank is a retired teacher, they discuss education and what needs to be changed.



    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show with a scene next to his fireplace. He suggests using bullies to educate our children.



    Tonight's theme of education ended up being quite funny. I loved "The Word" of course and enjoyed the interview with Frank McCourt.moreless

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  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Smarterer. If we Americans are gonna listen to the "score police" sure we'll be worried that the United States scores lower in math and science than brainiac countries like Japan, (and Estonia) but America was really good at math and science back when it mattered, fifty years ago. Remember the A-Bomb? How about the moon landing? What about a little thing I like to call television? We don't need math and science anymore. Name one thing that changed the world that has yet to be invented. (Checkmate)

      How to we get "Smarterer"? The answer is right there in the word. (SmaRteReR) Three R's. I'm not talking about your old three R's grandpa. (Screw you old man). Reading, Riting and Rithmatic? (Not even a word) I'm talking about three R's for the new millennium. First R? Religion. (God's lesson plan) It's more that just prayer in school. (please God, no pop quiz) Look, the curriculum is much easier, you got one book (one Good Book) and every question has the same answer: God did it. Everybody gets an A. That ups everybody's score right there. Sure using "rithmatic" you could figure out the square root of 443,556 (gimme a second) but isn't it more important to know that that's the number of the Beast! (Oh my God!) As for reading and riting, take a look at this sentence 'Timmy and me went to the store to buy milk.' Wouldn't the correct grammar really be: 'Timmy and me and Jesus went to the store to buy milk.' Because Jesus is with Timmy and I wherever us go.

      The second most important R should be: Recruitment. (R-me) Scores may be dropping, but luckily the military has put recruiters on high school campuses and lowered their educational standard for enlistment. (Be all you presently are) Even if kids fail geography, they're still gonna learn the names of those foreign countries. (the hard way)

      For the final R, I say: Rage. You don't need a lot of knowledge if you put a lot of anger behind those few things you do know. And if kids have trouble mustering the rage, I say we give them another R: Roids. If our kids aren't gonna be mental giants, at least let's make them real giants. (Fee, fi fo dumb) Of course, there are other R's we could toss in there: Roid Rage, that could incite a Race Riot, unless we Relax them with some Reefer. The point is, even if standardized tests prove that our kids aren't getting smarter, if we just change our standards, we have a hope of making the Smarterer.

      And that's the Word.

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