The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 113

Garrison Keillor

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 11, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Garrison Keillor
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Tonight Stephen welcomes humorist and author of Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: I have a hunch, a sixth sense folks, that unlike most elections, this election is important.

      • Stephen: This is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors…get in there you atheists! This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: …and it's tonight's word: Southsourcing. Last June the Department of Homeland Security pledged to crackdown on businesses that hire workers with suspicious Social Security numbers. This hit farmers hard, since farmers rely on migrant laborers to pick their fruit. (Juanny Appleseed) Now luckily someone figured out and endless supply of Mexican workers who aren't facing deportation: Mexico! Large agribusinesses in California are renting farmland south of the border, as many as 11,000 laborers are working for new U.S. owned farms in Mexico, growing food down there that will be sold and consumed up here. (Montezuma's economic revenge) Folks, this is great for business. Instead of paying workers nine dollars an hour here they can pay them eleven dollars a day there. (Sounds less cruel in pesos) And remember, these are non-union jobs, so you don't have to give them benefits, (401-Que?) or for that matter, you also do not have to give them weekends off. Adios Sabado Gigante, (Hola, Sabado Pequeno) and adios immigration problem. (And Lou Dobbs reason to live) We just need to take this idea a little further. For instance a lot of illegal immigrants are working in the U.S. construction industry. We can make those workers legal by moving all our housing construction to Mexico too. (Mi casa, su country) Sure, it's possible that the Americans buying those houses might be reluctant to move to Mexico and live in them, but once they realize we'd also have to move all our restaurants, laundries, gas stations, supermarkets, country clubs and big box stores down there to make those workers legal, Mexico will start looking at lot more like home. (Home depot) Now granted there may be some impact on our economy, but if we end up in a recession and employment becomes scarce, American workers can always pull up stakes and go where the jobs are: Mexico. I just hope they don't put up a border fence.

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

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