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The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 127

George Saunders

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 08, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

George Saunders
Tonight Stephen welcomes Syracuse University professor and author of The Braindead Megaphone, George Saunders.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (6)

      • Stephen: …and the reason is tonight's Word: Medium Matters. Folks, the "Betray Us" ad was offensive because it was in print and that made it permanent. (Didn't make it any less stupid) I heard that after you throw away a New York Times it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade. (Friedman's column takes extra six months) But Rush made his comment on the radio and he chose a career in radio for a reason. (Face made for it?) Because he can say whatever he wants and then it's gone forever. (Like George Allen) It's the same freedom I enjoy with my radio show Colbert on the Ert, for three hours a day I shout whatever pops into my head and it is over, I never give it a second thought. (Or first thought) Here's a comment I made on my show just last night: "Look, all I'm saying is that people from Uruguay are human garbage.' Okay, that sounds pretty bad out of context, but the context was no one from Uruguay listens to my show. (Up against "Good Morning Montevideo") So really there's no one to be insulted, it's like the old saying: If a tree says the "N" word in the forest, is it offensive? Because the last time I checked there weren't that many African-American lumberjacks. (No Affirmative Axin') So really folks, who started this?

        [Video: John Gibson: Who started this "phoney" war? Answer: Media Matters for America.]

        Stephen: That's right. Hate mongers like Media Matters take innocent statements like mine, Rush Limbaugh's, John Gibson's and Bill O'Reilly's and make them offensive by posting them on the internet allowing the general public to hear words that were meant for people who already agree with us. (Shrieking to the choir) Hey, Media Matters, you want to end offensive speech? Then stop recording it for people who would be offended. Because the Constitution gives us broadcasters the right to say anything we want, but that doesn't mean that just anyone has the right to listen.

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: You don't think an American could have discovered America? We live here. How hard could it be? (Looks around and points to the distance) Oh, look! America! Holiday, please!

      • Stephen: It's Columbus Day! But I won't rest until all the state capitals are recognized! This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: Bush veteos children's health care legislation. Hey, if kids want health care, they should become congressmen.

      • Colbert: Nation, it's Columbus Day, the most un-American holiday in existence. Look, I got nothing against discovering America. I just don't think Christopher Columbus should get the credit. Columbus was a freeloading foreigner who came to this country to take jobs away from hard-working American discoverers...And don't tell me that discoverer of America was a job we didn't want to do...We live here. How hard could it be? Oh look, America. Holiday please! By the way, Columbus wasn't even looking for America. He was looking for a trade route to India, that's right, outsourcing jobs.

      • Stephen Colbert: Okay kids, go to colbertnation.com and find fun health care games like 'the disease word search'. Try to find the hidden childhood ailments like chicken pox and scarlet fever. Then to win ... don't get them!
        Or ... the little radiologist home x-ray kit. If you can't afford an x-ray, lay this outline over your arm and trace the bones. When you scream out in pain, you found the break. Just... just draw in the crack. It's so much fun ... you might pass out!

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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