The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 5

George Stephanopoulos

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 16, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

George Stephanopoulos
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the host of This Week, George Stephanopoulos!

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  • Stephen offers movie picks and a way to keep illegal immigrants out of the country.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from spying to foreigners.

    Stephen starts off the show by talking about how he had a BLT, and he loved it. He then transitions into Martin Luther King, Jr., as today is his birthday. He then moves onto the FBI and Stephen asks Allan, a stage hand or intern to bring out Martin Luther King's FBI file, which is quite large. Stephen opens up part of the file and shows some photos the FBI supposedly took. To prove that there is nothing to worry about the FBI spying, Stephen is requesting his file, and to do so, he provides his finger prints, which he makes on-air.

    Still with finger print ink on his hands, Stephen moves into tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "¡Cerrado!," Spanish for "closed." While reading the script, Stephen touches his face a few times, rubbing the ink on to his nose and cheeks. Anyway, he goes on to suggest we close off the country and put a dome over us all, keeping everyone out.

    Back from commercial, Stephen is in the mood to discuss bad movies in a segment called "Movies that are Destroying America: Awards Edition", as this is Golden Globe season. Stephen rattles off a number of films he saw the trailers for films he doesn't like. There was one film which sounded interesting, Trans America. He recommends it as a great date movie.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, George Stephanopoulos. They talk about everything from domestic spying to the odds of George getting involved in politics again.

    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show with a mention of Martin Luther King, Jr. and he pulls out an "I Have A Dream-Sicle." As he talks about Martin Luther King Jr., he eats the "I Have A Dream-Sicle" and ends up getting a brain freeze.

    Tonight's edition of "The Word" was one of my favorites from recent shows. The ink served as a funny gag, and I thought his idea of one, massive dome was a hilarious idea. He should have mentioned this would keep the cold weather out of the country from Canada.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: …and that brings us to tonight's Word: Closed. (Cerrado!) Immigrants founded this great country, they took a vast, sparsely populated wilderness, de-populated it, (Everybody fights after Thanksgiving dinner) and re-populated it with Protestants looking for a better life. (And shiner buckles) Yes, immigrants built America, but here's the thing, it's all built now, we finished it in the mid 70's (The last brick? Fonzie) At this point, it's just touch up and repair, we don't need immigrants to do that. (Reminder: Call Miroslav to fix the sink) Besides, in the old days, immigrants were charming, sepia toned Europeans who overcame racial bigotry. (The Dutch are a filthy thieving people) But today's immigrants don't look like us, and they're just plain lazy. (Lazily dodging border patrol fire) Now there is only one solution, (Help build Central American economies?) we must build a wall. A wall across our entire southern border. We should also probably close our northern border to keep socialized medicine out, and they can swim, so we'll want to do the coasts too, and while we're at it let's put up a dome. We'll just punch a couple of holes in there so we can breathe, breathe free. So immigrants, party's over. (Lettuce picking party) It's time for you to go, right after you finish building those walls. Because without a lot of cheap labor we'll never get our borders closed.

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen (while holding up ice pop): I have a Dreamsicle.

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