Stephen Colbert: Nation, I've only been in Philadelphia for three days, and I've already learned so much about this city. Which reminds me: For those of you heading westbound on I-422 between Routes 23 and 363, you're going to want to take an alternate route. That lane closure's gonna add at least forty minutes to your evening commute.
Stephen's traffic tip for commuters, although incorrectly referring to the US Route 422 expressway as an interstate, was actually reasonably accurate. Around the time of the initial broadcast, there was bridge construction on US 422 (a heavily traveled commuter route into the outer suburbs of Philadelphia) between PA Routes 23 and 363.
Stephen Colbert: (to Ben Franklin impersonator) How did you and your enlightened deist friends feel about the pope back in your day?
Benjamin Franklin impersonator: Well, as ambassador to France, I had intimate dealings with many Catholics.
Stephen Colbert: You're talking about French whores, aren't you?
Benjamin Franklin impersonator: (brandishes a big, toothy grin) Yes.
Stephen Colbert: That man is the founding father of only one country…that he knows of.
Stephen Colbert: Christmas came early this year and it's wearing a giant hat. Pope Benedict is in America! Whoo! (shows clip of Pope's arrival and welcome) Here he is being greeted by President Bush, the leaders of the two most powerful theocracies in the world.
Stephen Colbert: I'm here [Pennsylvania] to cover Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's epic battle. I for one think they are both qualified to destroy the Democratic Party. Dream ticket.
Benjamin Franklin: Men and melons are hard to know.
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