The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 76

Gustavo Arellano

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 19, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Gustavo Arellano
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes ocweekly.com's Ask a Mexican columnist Gustavo Arellano.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: I am the recycle of America: here to seperate the clear glass of Truth from the green glass of Facts...This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: ...and it brings us to tonight's Word: Risky Business. This study no only explains what's going on in my family, it also sums up the situation in this country. (Both are dysfunctional) America used to be a nation of risk takers. You didn't abandon your life in Europe to get on a leaky boat with a 20% chance of hitting land until you had some giant Old World cajones. (Plymouth rocks) Now risk taking made this country what it is today (Also slave taking) but now the people willing to embrace the kind of reckless that shaped out nation are in the minority. (Holding steady at 32%) Suddenly we're surrounded by nervous Nellies, (and fearful Frankens) whining that the current administrations policies are endangering our future by jeopardizing Social Security or breeding more terrorists in Iraq. But I say the future looks bright if you like risk. (GOP slogan for midterms) Now we know there's a genetic component to taking risks, we just need to create a generations of daredevils, custom built to thrive in our brave new world. (Planet Jackass) They won't need Social Security because they'll make billions off a roller coaster stock market (Look ma, no pension!) and we won't need to recruit them for Iraq because that's where they'll go for spring break. (Crude oil t-shirt contest!) Personally, I plan to be on the forefront of building this demographic. (The craziest generation) I do not believe in evolution, but I do believe in selective breeding. (Introduced Brad and Angelina) And with that in mind, I'm unveiling Stephen Colbert's Formula 402. It's a special batch of my premium man juice, harvested under the riskiest of conditions. Every sample will be extracted while either hang gliding, base jumping or running with scissors. And to ensure only the riskiest women receive my intrepid seed, I'm providing absolutely no guarantee of quality. (Just like match.com) Some of it might not even be mine, 1 in a 100 is tiger sperm, which I am told probably won't take. (It's grrreat!) Act now American risk taking women, all major credit cards accepted. Because it's not only risky, it's risky business.

        And that's the Word.

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