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The Colbert Report

Season 8 Episode 5

Harry Belafonte

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 17, 2011 on Comedy Central
8.2
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Harry Belafonte
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Tonight Stephen welcomes legendary entertainer and activist Harry Belafonte.

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      • Stephen: Finally there is a simple way to get Americans back to work and it's the subject of tonight's Word: Look Out for The Little Guy. Of course President Obama thinks that spending tax dollars to rebuild roads and bridges will put people back to work. (And provide a bridge to live under) But folks, the Republicans know that to put people back to work, you don't want to build bridges and roads, you have to tear down some walls.

        [Video: Sarah Palin: We have to reduce onerous regulations…
        John Barrasso: We've got to get rid of a lot of these regulations
        John McCain: We'd love to see a moratorium on federal regulations, which are coming out by the thousands which are costing businesses billions and billions of jobs.]

        Stephen: Of course, billions and billions of jobs is ridiculous. So let's just way one billion. With 300 million Americans, that's 3 1/3 jobs for everyone. (Still can't afford health insurance) And regulation has never created a single job but lack of regulation creates plenty. (Like Toxic Avenger!) Case in point: The job creating proposal by Republican Florida state Representative Ritch Workman, obviously the man to create jobs, it's right there in his name, Work man, not to mention, rich. Workman has a bold, regulation cutting solution to the job crisis.

        [Video: Reporter: It's called dwarf tossing. Florida outlaws this practice to keep little people from getting hurt, but one Florida lawmaker says the law should actually be repealed.
        Reporter 2: Whether you approve of dwarf tossing or not, Florida shouldn't be telling little people what they can't do, according to state representative Ritch Workman.]

        Stephen: Yes, dwarf tossing. Now I apologize if anyone's offended, I'm sure there's a more PC term. (Shorty shotput) Of course dwarf tossing is the sport of kings, wherein a little person puts on a helmet and is hurled by a frat guy hammered on Jaeger shots into a soiled mattress. You know, full employment. (Beats and internship) Of course the Little People of America say that dwarf tossing can lead to "psychological dangers" and "getting paralyzed." And Hollywood has been lobbying against it for years. [Lord of the Rings clip] Even Representative Workman agrees that dwarf tossing is wrong.

        [Audio: Ritch Workman: They're offended by it. I get it. I am too. It has nothing to do with whether or not I think it's a cool thing to do. The reality is I think it's ridiculous. However, it's not the role of government to say it shouldn't be 'done.]

        Stephen: Exactly. Workman thinks it's offensive and ridiculous but it's not the government's place to regulate it. When jobs are at stake that decision should be made by a more trusted group: Bar owners who need a theme night to replace Wings & Boobs Wednesdays. (Wings & Boobs Thursday s?) Because, ladies and gentlemen, Florida's dwarf tossing ban is nothing but a job killer as Workman told the Palm Beach Post: "All that is does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get in this economy." Yes, dwarves would be happy to have these jobs! I'm sure the only reason Peter Dinkladge is on Game of Thrones is because he couldn't get a job being chucked at a wall. (Game of thrown) And I believe that repealing this ban would be a massive job creator. Just look at the projected growth. [Dwarf gets tossed and drunk pukes]I say that is someone is willing to go a job, no matter how dangerous, pointless or dehumanizing it is the government has no business stopping them. (Unless they're Mexican) I mean in this economy folks should we really be stopping people from having gladiator bum fights or redhead rodeos where cowboys on horseback hogtie gingers. (Run, Conan!) Or should we really, with unemployment at 9.4% ban baby juggling or albino paintball hunting or eating sushi of the comatose. (Miso sad) The point is the economy today is bad and if you're not willing to toss tax dollars at the problem, then the only thing left to toss is human dignity. (Look out for the little guy)

        And that's the Word.

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