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The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 148

Harry Shearer

0
Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 28, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.8
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Harry Shearer
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes comedian Harry Shearer.

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SUBMIT REVIEW

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    • TRIVIA (2)

      • The Word: Ecu-Menace

      • When Stephen shows us the cover of GQ's Men of the Year magazine featuring Jay-Z, he opens the folded over extention of the cover, showing the rest of the cover, featuring Stephen, in a pose that suggests that Jay-Z is Stephen's new Black Friend. However, in the actual magazine, that fold simply is an advertisement for a men's casual wear line.

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Ecu-Menace. The Ecumenical Movement seeks to bring people of different faiths together on the common ground that all religions yearn for answers to the same eternal questions. (Are your there? It's me, Margaret) Now the Pope's visit is designed to bridge the gap between Christians and Muslims, (Sorry, Jews!) the Muslims for now are still a tad miffed. All right, homicidally enraged that this summer the Pope gave a speech in which Islam was described as evil and inhuman. They didn't realize he was just quoting the 14th century Byzantine Emperor Manuel Plaeologos, (The Carlos Mencia of Asia Minor) but the damage was unfortunately done and the Pope is trying to make amends. That is a big mistake. Let me be clear, Islam is a great world religion started by the prophet Mohammad, praise and blessings be upon him. I have the utmost respect for it. It just happens to be wrong. (I'm outta here) You are going nowhere mister! (Hi, you've reached "The Word." I'm not home right now. Leave a message. Beep) I know you're in there! (Damn)

        Here me out, I'm a Roman Catholic, the one true faith. (The Microsoft of Christianity) And I know Roman Catholicism is the one true faith because Roman Catholicism tells me it's the one true faith, and if you remember from earlier in this sentence, Roman Catholicism is the one true faith. So how can it be mistaken? (Ask Galileo) I'm sorry, Islam. Inherent in my belief is your wrongness. I mean you better be wrong, I'd hate to thing all those people in the Spanish Inquisition were tortured for nothing. (Torque-Nada) Now the 72 virgin huggers out there are going to say: But Muslims do believe in Jesus. Yeah, they believe that Jesus was just God's friend. (Has him on speed-pray) Hey, I hate to break it to you, but anybody can be God's friend. (Look at Ted Haggard) You know why? God's a friendly guy, he's what you call a people person. (Benedict's a Papal Parson) The truth is Jesus is the only son of God. "God from God, light from light, true God from true God, begat not made, one of being with the Father, through Him all thing are made, for us men and our Salvation He came down from Heaven and though the power of Spirit was born of the Virgin Mary and became man, for our sake was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered, died and was buried, on the third day He rose again fulfilling the Scriptures, He ascended to Heaven, is seated at the right hand of the Father, He will come again in glory and judge the living and the dead and His kingdom will have no end!"

        Now what I just said is either the complete truth or the Muslims are right and I'm an infidel, what they call a kefir. (Arabic for "goy") Now I'll tell you one thing I respect about fundamentalist Muslims. At least they have the balls to day I'm wrong, even though they believe Muhammad ascended to Heaven on a horse. Which is ridiculous, horses can't fly. Jesus flies! He flew up to Heaven. Now when Christians try to be ecumenical we just look weak in our faith. If different religious have to agree, let's agree on the one thing that we both believe, that the other guy is going to Hell. (Hell is other people's religion) So sorry, sorry Pope Benedict, I know you're infallible but on this one you're wrong. Even worse you're an ecu-menace. (Ecu-Menace)

        And that's the Word.

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