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The Word: Good Bad Journalism.
Stephen Colbert: Shame on you Barack Obama for stealing other people's words! You're going to regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. Mr. Obama, tear down this wall. I'm as mad as Hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. Nobody puts baby in a corner. Senator Obama, you're no Jack Kennedy. And wouldn't you like to be a pepper too? And where's the beef? Shazaam!
(After watching videos of Barack Obama's alleged plagiarization, Stephen Colbert begins a tirade doing the same thing.)
Stephen: …which bring us to tonight's Word: Good Bad Journalism. Shame on you New York Times! Not for printing innuendo, speculation and anonymous sources, (And that's just the crossword) but for doing so poorly. Character assassination is an art. First of all, terrible headline. Fox's Bill Hemmer knows exactly what I'm talking about.
[Video: Bill Hemmer: The article headline is: "For McCain self confidence on ethics poses its own risk" What is that?]
Stephen: I don't know what that is. I mean, look this thing: "For McCain, self confidence on ethics poses its own risk". I have seen catchier titles on physics dissertations. ("How To Get Longer-Lasting, Firmer Electrons") Folks, you need something punchy that simple says McCain and sex. [Straight Boink Express] Okay, because, hello, this is supposed to be a sex scandal. The word sex isn't anywhere in this article, it's just implied. (By the word "Senator") Well, you know what? I'm sorry, but as a red blooded man, when I with a beautiful lady, I don't imply things all night long. And I certainly don't vaguely suggest things from behind. (The old innuendo and out) With this weak, weak tease New York Times you are giving poor journalism a bad name. You left wing smear machines need to take a lesson from the right wing smear machines. Take the rumors that swirl around Barack Obama like a turban around a terrorists head. They started as a whisper campaign on the internet, then it got blogged and soon enough the media picked up and reported it as news.
[Video: Fox reporter: Now the news that he was raised a Muslim…went to a madrassa for four years...you know you add it all up…]
Stephen: That's right! A single unsubstantiated rumor is meaningless, but add them all up and they're true. (Just ask Richard Gere's gerbil) Besides folks, sex scandals are so passé, if you need to allege something, try murder. Like Sean Hannity describing the tragic 1993 suicide of an old Clinton friend and advisor.
[Video: Sean Hannity: Of all the Clinton chapters we've covered so far, well this week we delve into one of the darkest and most mysterious. Chapter 8: The Mysterious Death of Vince Foster, part 1.]
Stephen: What's brilliant is that you can interpret it in two ways: either the mystery is why such a successful man took his own life, why for that matter does anyone in the prime of life choose to quit this mortal coil and succumb to the numbing grief and despair that touches all of us in this veil of tears. Or Hillary Clinton stabbed him in the head with an ice pick! (CSI: Fox News) Worst of all this newspaper article has way to many words, I mean how long is this thing?
[Video: Bill Hemmer: It goes on for nine pages.]
Stephen: Nine pages!? Look, if bad journalism is good enough, it can be done in a sonnet. (Brevity is the soul of libel) Or better yet, a limerick. Like: There once was a man named McCain who had the whole White House to gain. But he was quite a hobbyist of boning is lobbyist. So much for his '08 campaign. (Says anonymous source from Nantucket)
And that's the word.
Stephen: Awards are the only true measure of human worth.
Stephen: Hey, Obama! Try plagiarizing this! This is the Colbert Report!
Stephen: Barack Obama is caught in an embarrassing photo scandal. Evidently, he posed naked as Marilyn Monroe in New York magazine.
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