The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 92

Howell Raines

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 24, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Howell Raines
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Tonight Stephen welcomes journalist and author of The One That Got Away: A Memoir, Howell Raines

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      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Moral Minority. Ralph Reed helped build a mighty Republican Christian machine swung the country for George Bush in 2000 and 2004. To preserve Christian values he brought innovative new ideas, (Fear-mongering and slander) in fact, he's the embodiment of Christian values like Love Thy Neighbor. Ralph's neighbor is Jack Abramoff (Lives next to a prison) and when he came upon Abramoff on the side of the road Ralph did what any good samaritan would do. He took 4 million dollars of an Indian tribe's money and gave it to an anti-gambling Christian group to shut down a competing tribe's casino. (Robbed Running Deer to pay Tonto) But first, he laundered that money, (Clean money is next to Godly money) he laundered it through a bogus charity. Well, bogus or not, it's one of the Christian virtues. (Faith, Hope & Larceny?) And Ralph Reed is also very humble, he never said a public word about this casino deal. (Denied hundreds of times before the cock crowed) Ralph's whole career in fact has been built on the Golden Rule. (Screw Unto Others) But in this race, that wasn't enough, and that says something terrible about voters. (Not complete idiots) It's too late for you to elect Ralph Reed, but you can elect his values. By voting for candidates like North Carolina Representative Charles Taylor, who earned an "A" on the Christian Coalition's voting scorecard, and now he's taking heat because he threw the money lenders out of the temple. Okay, the official allegation is conspiracy to commit bank fraud but that's just semantics. (And up to 10 years) Or Colorado Representative Marilyn Musgrave, the Christian Coalition gave her a perfect score and now this good woman is being accused of running her campaign out of her official office, which is illegal. She explained she was just running it out of the same building in Suite 777. (Number of the Beast's big brother) Her critics point out that there is no Suite 777 in that building, but the truth is it's just that non-believers can't see it. These are but two of hundreds of examples of candidates fighting for our Christian values, I don't have time to name them all. (The indictments probably will) But folks, it's crucial that we support them in memory of the political career of Ralph Reed. (R.I.P) If we don't, Republicans could lose control of Congress. (Moral Minority)

        And that's the Word.

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