The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 117

James Carville

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 20, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

James Carville
Tonight Stephen welcomes Democratic political consultant James Carville.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …and it's tonight's Word: Lose. Let's face it, the government's a mess. (Like a hurricane hit it) And with the Republicans in control of the White House and the Congress there's only one party for the voters to blame. I say these upcoming piddly-poo mid-terms don't even matter. (Like Congress) I mean folks, did you know that in mid-term elections you don't even get to vote for the President? (Unless using Diebold machines) But two years from now when you can vote for the President, the Republicans will need a platform. (Hopefully with a trap door) And rather than running on their record on the war or the deficit, it will be much easier to run against the do-nothing Democratic Congress we elected in 2006. I mean those Democrats ruined everything. (For the richest 1%) And you know what? I'm not the only one who thinks this is a good idea.

        In this month's Atlantic Monthly analyst Chuck Todd writes "…some of the best avenues to winning in 2008 involve losing in 2006." And just last week conservative columnist Ramesh Ponnuru, friend of the show, wrote in the New York Times quote: "A straight loss…would make the Republicans hungrier and sharpen their wits." Hungry Republicans, when's the last time you heard that phrase? (At NRA dinner) But it's true, losing always makes you fight harder the next time around. (I'm coming for you, Manilow!) Let's say we lost the War in Iraq, that would just make our troops sharper and hungrier for the war in Iran. (And losing that would make them hungry for Syria) But the best thing about Republicans losing control of the House? (The Republicans losing control of the House?) Well, I think National Review columnist Jonah Goldberg said it best, quote: A Pelosi run House could horrify voters. [Pelosi in a Bride of Frankenstein wig]

        So I never thought I'd be saying this but Republicans get out there and lose those Congressional seats. Revisit some of your big backfires like Terri Shiavo. There's got to be another woman famous for being in a vegetative state. [Paris Hilton] And don't let people forget about the Abramoff thing. Ohio Congressman Bob Ney's doing his part. Last week he pleaded guilty to taking bribes and he's not resigning his office and majority leader John Bayner isn't calling for it! Nicely done gentlemen, you've got to sell the culture of corruption. (Should be easy after selling a war) Most of all President Bush, you can help, get out there and campaign for your fellow Republicans. Remind the voters these guys stood by you and you're going to stand by them! (Even if they beg you not to) Folks, there's nothing shameful about losing, sometimes losing can be glorious. Remember, you Republicans are the party of Jesus, (And will be crucified on 11/7) it may look like you die, but in 2008 you will rise again, just like the Lord. (Lord Voldemort)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

      • This episode featured two clips from Stephen's Green Screen Challenge. The first inserted Stephen into Star Wars: The Phantom Menance, (and at the end turned him into Anakin Skywalker from Revenge of the Sith) The second clip featured Stephen fighting a three headed Democrat monster. The heads were Nancy Pelosi, Howard Dean & Ted Kennedy.

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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