The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 30

James Webb

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 08, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

James Webb
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of Born Fighting: How the Scots-Irish Shaped America, James Webb!

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  • Stephen offers some sound advice on the Iraqi civil war.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Monopoly's anniversary to an Iraqi civil war.

    Stephen starts off the show by bringing up the subject of Sir Benjamin Slade, who is looking for an heir for his estate. Stephen makes his plea one more time, just like in last night's show. It seems there's an actual blood relative in North Carolina, but Stephen doesn't think he's a good choice.

    Moving on, Stephen turns his attention to the Enron trial in Texas. Stephen offers some silly insight into the testimony of the witnesses. He doesn't think the government has much of a case against the people in Enron.

    With Monopoly's anniversary approaching, it makes for a great edition of "The Word." Stephen thinks the board game, "monopoly" has taught our kids valuable things about economics. Oddly enough, an old monopoly is back in the news, AT&T, which was broken up a few decades ago by the government. It seems the company is being built up again, looking very much like it did several years ago, which scares some people. Stephen, on the other hand, thinks we can trust monopolies.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces a segment called "Stephen's Sound Advice," which touches on the civil war in Iraq. Stephen thinks it's a good idea to color code your uniforms. Also, take lots of photos for future re-enactments, and have at least eight popular generals for chess sets. Also, be sure to ask your wife/girlfriend to write you love letters. Stephen then tells the Iraq President to ignore the desire to go to the theatre, or you could get shot like President Lincoln.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, James Webb. Mr. Webb, a war veteran, is running for U.S. Senator. They talk about Mr. Webb's past as well as a lot of politics.

    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show by mentioning you could purchase an American flag which actually flew outside of the studio, and he's even wrapped the flag around himself, but he did wear boxers.

    Tonight's episode was slightly below average compared to the rest of the episodes of the series. My favorite segment was obviously the segment where Stephen offered his advice on the Iraqi civil war.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Monopoly. Seventy three years on, the popular Parker Brothers game is still America's favorite. (Sorry, "Sorry!") Monopoly's taught generations about the glory of free enterprise, and it's given our children a vital working knowledge of the streets of Atlantic City (Beats going there) This year is an especially significant anniversary because we're not just celebrating the board game Monopoly, we're also celebrating the resurgence of the corporate monopoly. (Boardroom games) AT&T played an interesting game this week. In major step toward reforming the original Ma Bell, they've gobbled up Bell South. (Like hungry hungry hippos) In much the same way Mobil and Exxon recently moved their game piece closer to the glory days of Standard Oil by merging into Exxon-Mobil. (28 points) Market forces are going to make these monolithic corporations reform, no matter how hard the Securities Exchange Commission may try to stop them. (A trivial pursuit) And folk, that's a good thing.

      This country was built by monopolies: the steel trust, the railroad trust, the oil trust. You know what they all had in common? (Robber barons?) I'll give you a hint. It's the word trust. You can trust a monopoly because they're not distracted by competition, (They like to play solitaire) and because they're vertically integrated. (Like Jenga) Their costs are lower, and they can pass those savings on to consumers. (Can, but don't) Now, some say that monopolies lack of competition kills innovation. (In the conservatory with the candlestick) But you know, too much competition is just confusing. (Boggles the mind) The fact is, monopolies give us convenience and consistency. It's nice to know you can walk into a Wal-Mart anywhere in the country and find the same things. (A non-union cleaning crew locked in overnight) Of course, the more conglomeration we have, the more little guys may go bankrupt. ("You sunk my Battleship!") But folks, that's what happens when you land on a monopoly.

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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