The Colbert Report

Season 1 Episode 4

Jim Cramer

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 20, 2005 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Jim Cramer
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes host of Mad Money, Jim Cramer!

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Jim Cramer

Jim Cramer


Guest Star

Lisa Loeb

Lisa Loeb


Guest Star

David Cross

David Cross

Russ Lieber (voice)

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen: Stop operating heavy machinery, because you're about to take two maximum strength tablets of Truth.

    • Stephen:…which is why tonight's Word is: Love Handles. Or what the doom-criers at the CDC insist on calling morbid obesity. (Morbid Obesity) A recent study shows that 61% of American adults are overweight, (America fat) a number which has doubled (with cheese) since the late 70's. (Thanks, War on Drugs!) Well, yesterday (Day before today) the House of Representatives passed a so-called cheeseburger bill, which is not named for Cheeseburger Bill who later became Mayor McCheese. The bill makes it unlawful to sue any food corporation for selling fatty foods. (Tasty treats) I say kudos Congress, delicious, crunchy kudos.

      First of all American needs tort reform, (Chocolate tort) it's bad enough that the tobacco companies had to cough up cash to the lung huggers out there. (The blame cancer crowd) It's time to stop all the frivolous legal actions choking our courts, be they frivolous lawsuits of frivolous restraining orders. I am not stalking you Charlene! I know it's over! (Call me) Folks, come on, what is this national obsession with body image? (I like big butts) Some people, like me, have a metabolism like a bird. (Eagle) Other people are constantly battling their weight. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a symbol of our national prosperity. Do you know what third world countries would give for the rolls of fat around our wrists? (Dirt?)

      Besides, 61% of us are overweight, last time I checked that's a majority. (More than half) America has voted with its gut and it is strongly pro-growth. (Stretch denim) Think of the boost to industry when we have to build stronger chairs, wider doors, bigger gulps. (99 cents) What is good for the nacho industrial complex (Freedom fryers) is good for us all. In these tough economic times, I say America, we all need to loosen out belts.

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen Colbert: I'm looking over your shoulder, but only because I've got your back.

  • NOTES (0)