The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 147

Jim Lehrer

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 27, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Jim Lehrer
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Tonight Stephen welcomes PBS News Hour anchor and author of The Phony Marine: A Novel, Jim Lehrer.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …and it's tonight's Word: Jacksquat. Now a lot of people don't know where the term jacksquat comes from, (From the French "Jacques Squatte") you know what? Neither do I. It probably originated when Jack did something pretty inappropriate with that candle stick. And I'm guessing he did it nimble and he did it quick. (Candlestick still has nightmares) But I don't know, because I haven't thought about it, (Just pictured it) just like I haven't thought about the Iraq War lately. Now, like a lot of people, I got sucked into the "thinking about the Iraq War" trap over the past few months. Will it affect the elections, (Yes) when will we bring the troops home? (4-6 months after whenever question is asked) Well folks, no more. I didn't get where I am today by thinking about anything. (Ignorance accomplished) I got here by feeling about everything. And what I'm feeling about Iraq right now is angry. I have done everything I can to solve this Iraq problem. (Kept shopping) I have tried saying there isn't a problem, I've tried not reporting news that could lead one to believe that there might be a problem, I've tried saying there is a problem but we've solved it, (The lie-fecta) well, nothing seems to help. You know what? No more. But that doesn't mean I'm shirking my responsibility as a proponent of this war. No. I take personal responsibility, (Steve-a-culpa) and my number one personal responsibility is to find someone to blame. (Usually gays) And this time I blame the Iraqi people, all of them! (Stop occupying yourself!) Just like Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly said to Uncle Bear Geraldo Rivera.

        [Video: Bill O'Reilly: I think the Iraqi's have got to step up and at least try to fight for their democracy instead of being this crazy country that the Shiite, I don't ever want to hear Shiite and Sunni again.]

        Stephen: And please stop saying there's a difference between Iraq and Iran! (Soon there won't be) If one of your people can be played by Ben Kingsley, you're all the same to me. Now does that mean I think we should withdraw? No! It doesn't mean that! Nothing I'm saying means anything. For it to mean something I would have to have though about it and I don't play that game. (Thinking means terrorists win) All I'm saying is enough, uh-uh, no more, the null set, zip it [sticks fingers in ears] lalalalalalala. I don't know how to say it any clearer than that. (How about apologizing to troops?) But there is one thing I do know, I and every pundit who supported this war have the right to stop hearing about it. We've done our part. (Jacksquat)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Stephen Colbert: … I'll tell you why shooting your eye out might be the best thing to happen to you this year.

        In the classic holiday film A Christmas Story (1983), young Ralphie Parker wants nothing more for Christmas than a Red Ryder BB gun, only to be continually warned by his parents, his teacher, and even Santa himself "You'll shoot your eye out!"

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