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The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 114

Joel Klein

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 12, 2007 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Joel Klein
Tonight Stephen welcomes the chancellor of New York City Schools, Joel Klein.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (4)

      • Stephen: …all we need is tonight's Word: Re-run. Yesterday MSNBC, the Filet O'Fish in the menu of cable news, finally did something right. For over three hours they re-aired their unedited coverage of the morning of September 11th, 2001. Thank you MSNBC, we have all wanted to relive that morning. (Like ESPN Classic for terrorism) Watching every horrific moment over my banana smoothie was a rare opportunity to re-experience the emotions of that day, emotions that brought us together. (At the giant flag store) Six years later we have turned against each other and lost sight of the ones who attacked us: Saddam Hussein and his weapons of mass destruction! Now I know that doesn't quite make sense now, but just go back and remember how you felt in the months after 9/11. Saddam was defying UN weapons inspectors, the government had evidence they'd sought yellow cake uranium. And did they have a connection with Al-Qaida? There was no question. (…asked by journalists) We did not let facts cloud our emotions. (Didn't want smoking gun to be fact-cloud) Now some might say that re-airing hours of unedited real life horror is needlessly painful. I say it's needfully painful, (That tingle means it's working) so long as MSNBC also airs the unedited coverage from September 12th, 2001, and then from September 13th, and so on every day for fourteen months. Who wouldn't want to relive those days. (Colin Powell)

        Remember folks, the world was with us. We were this close to Bin Laden, and we were treated to the all to brief run of NBC's Good Morning Miami. By my calculations folks, fourteen months of daily rebroadcasts would mean MSNBC would rebroadcast January 20th 2003 on January 20th.2009, President Bush's last day in office. That means our President would leave on a high, no matter what his poll numbers were in reality, on TV he'd be our unquestionable leader. Just two moths shy of launching Operation Iraqi Freedom. (Two years shy of George Tenet's Medal of Freedom) We would be so re-confident of our ability to win that war in 100 hours and pay for it with oil revenues that whoever the next President is will have no trouble extending it for another six years. All we need to do is rerun and we can reunite and rebelieve.

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: Have you ever looked at a cloud and thought it looked like something else? Then stop smoking dope! This is the Colbert Report!

      • Colbert:But children of Israel, call 1-888-Oops-Jew. This is your opporutnity to appologize to someone who might be Jewish, just like God.

      • Stephen: Tonight, has America lost its sense of unity, or is half the country just plain wrong?

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • The caption "One State, Two State, Red State, Blue State" is a play on the classic Dr. Suess book One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

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