The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 153

John Sexton

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Dec 06, 2006 on Comedy Central
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John Sexton
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the president of New York University, John Sexton.
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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode. We tried but that damn monkey was just too fast.

    • Stephen: …and it's tonight's Word: Words. Now I've dismissed words on this program before, I don't trust them and frankly some of them are to long. (Why "knowledge", not "nolej"?) But they are crucial in winning the War of Terror. The Bush administration used to understand that. Back at the beginning at the beginning of this conflict they chose all the right language: ("Trust us") weapons of mass destruction, axis of evil, operation enduring freedom, mission accomplished and the mission was accomplished folks, in that the mission was to hang up a banner that said mission accomplished. Those words created the feeling that we were winning the war, (On those who said we weren't) but the Sec Def to be said no sir, we're not winning the war. Well I say that means his first loyalty may not be to the administrations message, he might be in cahoots with the facts here. (Giving aid and comfort to reality) After all, we're dealing with an out of control fact insurgency, (Islamo-Factists) and it's not just in Iraq, it's at home as well. The Democrats win the mid-term elections, Rumsfeld's resignation, in fact, the fact that there even is an Iraq Study Group is troubling. The word study implies that something about the war needs to be examined. They should have called it something more positive, something that appeals to all Americans. (Iraq Cool Ranch Doritos Group) We have to use the right words.

      It's not enough to change the Secretary of Defense, change the Department of Defense. What do we have to be defensive about? (We found those Indians like that) Let's just call it the Department of Offense! That'll let the terrorists know we're taking the fight to them. (Everywhere but to Bin Laden's cave) By the way, NBC, this is not a "civil war," it's a civil liberation, no, a civil celebration, no! A civil whooooo! Yes. And nation if we want to win this whooooo, we need to do more to support out troops, we have to support our tropes. (Words)

      And that's the Word.

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