The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 56

Jon Meacham

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM May 01, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Jon Meacham
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of American Gospel: God, the Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation, Jon Meacham!

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  • I just saw Jon Meacham...

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from George Clooney to Irianian women losing rights.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by mentioning many of his Mexican employees aren't anywhere to be found all of a sudden. This really threw off Stephen's day. However, his weekend was great. He was able to speak at the White House Correspondence Dinner. Although Stephen did a great job, many of the people who attended the event seem to find him funny or quite understand his humor. In Stephen's opinion, the biggest problem with the event is George Clooney was allowed there. Clooney's been trying to increase public attention on the terrible things which are going on in Darfur. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "Drug-Fueled Sex Crime." Stephen argues a celebrity's role is not to bring help to places like Darfur, but rather tell us how to dress and decorate our cribs.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another installment of "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger". Exxon receives a tip of the hat for their recent incredible profit report. A wag of the finger goes to Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for his ban of women attending soccer games. Doonesbury receives the next wag of the finger for a terrible comic strip about killing innocent Iraqis. Next, a wag of the finger goes to Chicago for banning foie gras.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Jon Meacham. The fellas first discuss the role in which religion had in the founding of the United States. As the discussion progresses, they talk about religion's role in politics.

    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show with a tribute to email and SPAM. As a tribute, Stephen places the original SPAM message sent on the Internet, known as Arpanet originally, in the form of slotted punch cards.

    It's rare that the first segment immediately transitions right into "The Word", but it worked out very well. The other segments were well done, but having seen Jon Meacham not that long ago on The Daily Show, I didn't find him that interesting or necessary.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, George Clooney speaks out about Darfur. I'll tell you why this is the worst thing to happen since Paul Newman spoke out against the atrocities of the Hidden Valley Ranch.

    • Stephen: On this day in 1978 a marketing representative invented a new kind of sales pitch by sending an e-mail to everyone on the internet. Of course back then it was called the Arpanet and only two people used it, and evidently one of them was a douche bag. Nevertheless, history will celebrate May 1st 1978 as the birthday of unsolicited e-mail, affectionately named Spam after the beloved Hormel meat substance. Since that day Spam has gone on to help millions of people with their erectile dysfunction, not to mention providing critical financial aid to a generation of desperate Nigerian princes. Someone should really look into what's happening over there. So in honor of that brave marketing pioneer, I place upon my bookshelf tonight, the first Spam message in the form of these slotted punch cards. He paved the way for such modern giants as Neoprene B. Dolittle, Willowy H. Thunderclap, and Cajun Q-Mergency. Let's see, my binary code's a little rusty, but yes, looks like an ad for the Cialis of 1978, a waterbed.

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Drug Fueled Sex Crime. When not acting, Mr. Clooney, that's all we want to hear about our stars. (They're just like us) Now Brangelina is also raising awareness of the Darfur situation, but he/she has the courtesy to also captivate us with his/her baby bump. (Bump has own P.R.) By the way, I want to be the first to invite Brangelina's baby to be a guest on this show. (Will bump Frank Rich for Bump) Here's the danger in what Clooney is asking. If we do it we'll just embolden the celebrotocracy. It's like when you laugh when your kid swears, you're just encouraging him to do it more. (Still, it's pretty funny) Celebrities, you already have a very important role to play, to provide escapism, period. (And to endorse Proactive Solution) Your humanitarian mission is to get people to watch TV shows about doctors and aliens so they won't waste all that time worrying about the NSA and immigration. (Watch "Invasion," not the invasion) When not on screen your job is to show us how to dress, how to style our hair and how to style our cribs. (Show US how to be PEOPLE who are InStyle) Clooney's not doing his job. (Did you see "Ocean's 12"?) And he knows it. Take a look at what he said last Thursday at the National Press Club: "I'm not a legislator and I'm not a politician. I just try to use the credit card that you get for being famous in the right instances whenever you can."

      George, we gave you that credit card for very limited uses. (Cars, Bitches and Cristal) I'm not surprised. Clooney's latest directing project was a baseless screed against Senator Joseph McCarthy. A witch hunt! Against a man brave enough to single handedly make a list of which Hollywood liberals we should get rid of. (Well, Reagan helped) Clooney's new found political involvement is particularly dangerous because he's a good actor, good director, good producer and let's face it, a damn fine looking man. (Men know what men like) Plus, in calling for action against the genocide in Darfur, he has unfortunately chosen the unassailable moral high ground. (Thanks a lot, genocide) This is clearly going to influence other celebrities and our children who worship them to do the same. ("Hey kid, wanna get morally high?") If he succeeds this will only get worse, he'll spawn a host of latter day Fondas, and Asners and Aldas and Redgraves, not to mention your Sarandons and Penns. That's why I'm demanding Mr. Clooney ruin his chances by getting swept up in his own drug fueled sex crime. (Colin Farrell happy to pitch in) Apologize, then slink from the national stage in shame. This way, he'll serve as a lesson to Hollywood and the American people to just say no. (To political action)

  • NOTES (0)


    • Unsolicited e-mail did the name of 'spam' from the Hormel meat product, although by an indirect means. Shortly after Spam was first introduced in the United Kingdom, there was a sketch made by Monty Python's Flying Circus in which the word 'Spam' was repeated over and over and over behind the primary action, sometimes drowning out the dialogue, much like unsolicited e-mail fills up an e-mailbox to the point where it is difficult to find actual messages that have any relevance.

    • In the opening teaser, the caption 'Bend It Like Burka' is a reference to the film Bend It Like Beckham, about an Anglo-Indian girl asserting her identity on the soccer field.

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