The Word: Clarity.
Colbert: .. awareness is like a virus and celebrities are Typhoid Marys.
Typhoid Mary was the first "healthy carrier" of typhoid fever in the United States. She was unaware of this fact and didn't understand that she could cause the illness in other people even though she herself was perfectly healthy. In her job as a cook for various families she unintentionally infected many people with the disease.
It all came out when she infected six of the eleven people in the rented summer house of her latest employer. Eventually the owners of the house hired George Soper who was the first to suspect the cook (who by then had left the employ) and tracking down her past jobs found out more typhoid fever outbreaks.
Since Mary didn't believe the 'charges' against her but was 'captured' by the police and health officials and had to live in an isolated island cottage for several years before she was released under the condition never to work as a cook again.
However after some time she started to work as a cook again under an assumed name when she found alternative jobs didn't pay the same wages she could make as a cook.
Another outbreak found her out and she was sent back to the island cottage where she remained for the rest of her life.
Typhoid Mary is also the name of a Marvel comic character who is an assassin who also gives fevers to people in close proximity
Stephen: That tingling sensation means the truth is working. This is the Colbert Report!
Stephen: Filmmaker Judd Apatow is her e to talk about his new movie Superbad. I assume it's about Hollywood's effect on America.
Stephen: I take a fair and balanced look the upcoming presidential candidates. Are the democrats too soft on terror or are the republicans the only ones that can save us?
Stephen: …a point that brings us to tonight's Word: Clarity. You see folks, Giuliani knows you cannot win if it's not clear who you're fighting. (Usually ex-wives) But the Democrats insist on muddying the waters. Here's who the Democrats say we're up against:
[Video clips: Barack Obama: …Al-Qaeda operations…
Hillary Clinton: …the resurgent Taliban and Al-Qaeda fighters…
Christopher Dodd…Islamic fundamentalist state….
John Edwards: …radical Islam….]
Stephen: That's four different enemies! They make is sound like we're in the middle of complex, nuanced struggle requiring deep understanding of the differences between politically and religiously diverse groups. How are you going to fit that on a bumper sticker!? You see, ladies and gentlemen, our enemies are a massive group of religious fanatics bent on destroying us at all costs. They're Islamic terrorists, I can't think of a better term to describe them. (Or unite them) Not using that phrase is just an example of political correctness. (We're "differently terrified") No. No, no folks, it is worse than political correctness, it is actual correctness. And we all know too often correctness gets bogged down in details. (Fails to see bigger caricature) If we really want to win this war we have to paint with broad strokes. I mean we'd have stamped out organized crime by now if we'd refer to the mafia as Italian terrorists. ("That's a spicy-a car bomb!") Folks, if we're not careful, we could get stuck in an ill-defined, unwinable, indefinite commitment to understanding who we're up against. (The war on error) We need to return to the clarity of the good old days, before there was any difference between Sunnis and Shiites. (632 AD) Back when there were freedom fries, and our justification for war was three simple letters: W (L) M (I) D.(E)
Now nation, whenever America finds itself in never ending conflict between good and ultimate evil like the war on drugs, the government appoints a tsar. Well, I propose Rudy Giuliani be America's language tsar. (First issue: "Czar" or "Tsar") He can decide what worlds help America, ("President Giuliani") and which words weaken us. ("Habeas Corpus"?) Now we can let America's Mayor pick America's language. After all, if we don't use his simple, all encompassing label for all of our enemies, he knows there's no way to win. (The election)
And that's the Word.
Colbert: Before we go a quick word of advice. Don't forget to clip your toe nails before bed. Your partner may want a cougar in the sack .. but no one wants to get scratched by its claws!
Colbert: If I really want to raise awareness, I've got to get these bracelets to some high profile celebrities. Because like it or not, folks, awareness is like a virus. And celebrities are Typhoid Maries.
Stephen Colbert: Katrina victims are still suffering. Why do they insist on making Anderson Cooper sad?
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