The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 98

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 31, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Kathleen Kennedy Townsend

Tonight Stephen welcomes former Maryland Lt. Governor and author of Failing America's Youth: How Today's Churches Are Mixing God and Politics and Losing Their Way, Kathleen Townsend.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (5)

      • Stephen: Mi Casa, Su casa. Casa means anger, right? This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: My guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend is here to talk about what happens when you mix politics and religion. I'm no scholar, but I'll guess... poligion?

      • Stephen: Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzalez of perjury. Maybe he'll be sentenced to a round of golf with Scooter Libby.

      • Stephen: ….which brings us to tonight's Word: Special Prosecutor: Do you know how many times Alberto Gonzales has appeared before Congress?
        [Video: Alberto Gonzales: I do not recall.]
        Stephen: Who knows how many questions they've already asked him?
        [Video: Alberto: I have no recollection.]
        Stephen: What more can these Senators want?
        [Video: Alberto: I don't know that.]
        Stephen: Gonzales enemies say his testimony is contradicted by the Director of the F.B.I. and internal government memos and that's evidence of perjury. But I have a much more positive view of this. Isn't it possible, that instead of lying, Alberto Gonzales is merely incompetent? (Incompetent at lying) And by that I don't mean bad at his job, I mean mentally incompetent. (Few straps short of a waterboard) Folks, I think he believes he's telling the truth, and ladies and gentlemen, if he believes it, technically it's not perjury. (It's fantasy) And if I'm right, that means the Democrats hate the President so much that they're will to attack the mentally challenged. (Flowers for Alberto) Don't believe me? The Democrats are calling for a "special" prosecutor. (Special prosecutor) It's right there in the name. Far from deserving prosecution, I believe Mr. Gonzales deserves the Medal of Freedom, or at least a hug. ("I know it was you, Fredo.") Besides In light of the Attorney General's testimony, is there a judge in America that would find him fit to stand trial?
        [Video: Alberto: I don't know the answer to you question.]
        Stephen: And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: Tonight, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, and several dissenting sea lions have been mysteriously poisoned.

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