The Colbert Report

Season 1 Episode 23

Katrina vanden Heuvel

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 30, 2005 on Comedy Central
9.1
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Katrina vanden Heuvel
AIRED:
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes author of The Dictionary of Republicanisms, Katrina vanden Heuvel!

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  • Stephen visits the fighting 13th.

    9.4
    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from President Bush's recent speech to Michigan.



    Stephen starts with President Bush's recent speech in Annapolis, and Stephen quickly moves on to news about Rick Springfield, who is coming back to General Hospital, a show Stephen seems to know quite a bit about.



    Stephen turns to tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay". On Tuesday, the Vatican made an announcement regarding gays in the priesthood.



    Back from commercial, Stephen turns his attention to the 13th congressional district of Michigan for another segment of "Better Know A District". Stephen went there to interview Congresswoman Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick. They talk about the 13th District, people from New Orleans, and Motown.



    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Katrina vanden Heuvel. They talked about Iraq, President Bush, Republicans, and her name.



    Stephen ends by commenting on world news. He gives 9.8 seconds for all of the world news.



    This was without a doubt, the funniest episode in recent weeks. All of the segments were hilarious.moreless

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen: Knock knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay. Now in street parlance, that means really gay. (Gay) And in Vatican parlance, that means to gay to be a priest. (There's a limit) On Tuesday, Pope Benedict released his first major policy initiative, an instruction that states men with deep seeded homosexual tendencies could not be priest, while those with transitory tendencies could be, therefore proving the transitive property of gayness. (If Priests=B, and B=Gay: Priest=Gay) What's the difference between transitory homosexuality and deep seeded homosexuality? (Theater Camp?) The Church says deep seeded means those who quote: "present deeply rooted (Man root) homosexual tendencies, or support the so called gay culture." Transitory means temporarily gay, like while you're stuck in prison. (Or traffic) Everyone goes through an experimental phase in college, and then grad school, or course you'll want to go for the PhD to give that experiment a little more time to play out. Hey, you know what college makes you stay in for a long time? Seminaries. Now, the Church has a new, simple rule. If you've had no homosexual encounters for three years or more, (Long dry spell) you can become a priest. And then, while you may not be able to go whole hog, the Church has no problem with you looking gay. Fabulous hats, silken robes, even Pope Benedict looks like a Friend of Dorothy. Check our the ruby slippers, Some might say hey, priests are celibate, what does it matter what kind of sex their not having? Well, the Chruch say that women can't be priests, because the priests have to be just like the Apostles. And the Apostles were male, non-gay, spoke Aramaic and lived in 1st century Judea. If that doesn't describe you, you're out. And as you leave, don't let the narthex hit you where the good Lord spit you. (Sounds less gay in Latin)

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen Colbert: How does it feel to have a natural disaster named after you? And by that I mean the vanden Heuvel earthquake.

    • Stephen Colbert: Let's talk Detroit. Do we still need it?

  • NOTES (2)

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