The Colbert Report

Season 6 Episode 107

Leslie Kean

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Aug 23, 2010 on Comedy Central
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Leslie Kean
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Tonight Stephen welcomes journalist and author of UFOs: Generals, Pilots and Government Officials Go On the Record, Leslie Kean.
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      • Stephen: But there is a way for the President to settle this once and for now, and it's the subject of tonight's Word: Losing His Religion. Now I know for a fact that Barack Obama is a Christian because during the election I loved talking about his minister.

        [Video: Jeremiah Wright: God damn America!]

        Stephen: God damn I miss that guy. (Don't worry, he'll be back in 2012) But whether the President is a Christian or not, which again, he is, does not matter. What matters is whether we feel he's a Christian. (A certain "Je ne sais Christ") Now it turns out a full 30% of Republicans feel he's Muslim, not because they're ignorant, crazy racists, (But it doesn't hurt) no, it's because they are true Americans. Right Steven Hayes of the Weekly Standard?

        [Video: Steve Hayes: The American public has a long history of believing things that don't necessarily have evidence to support them. 30% of the country believes in UFOs, 30% of the country believes in ESP.]

        Stephen: Oh really!? Well is ESP is fake how does he know what all those people are thinking? (They're thinking?) And the President has no one to blame but himself. (C'mon, Biden's right there) I mean he keeps seeming Muslim, right Charles Krauthammer?

        [Video: Charles Krauthammer: He spent years in Indonesia, and he spent a lot of the Presidency in trying to develop outreach with the Muslim world, speeches in Cairo and Turkey, appearances in Saudi Arabia and all that. Given the fact you don't see him coming out of a church with a Bible in hand as you would a Bush or a Clinton and the fact that he's had this emphasis on Islam I can understand how the numbers have widened.[

        Stephen: Exactly. Obama has to do things that make him appear more Christian. (Wear Christmas sweaters!) First of all he should go to church. And I know that he has but he need to go to church harder. Maybe Twitter from the pew. (OMG! Totes worshipping MG!) Or at least carry a Bible wherever he goes. Like Jesus says in Matthew 5:47: Pray big or go home. But even that may not be enough folks. Obama might actually have to be Jesus. (Also had questionable birth story) Maybe it would help if he wears robes. (Definitely NOT a turban!) Or maybe he could perform some miracles. (Have Republicans vote yes) And, Mr. President, when we call you a Muslim, don't correct us, turn the other cheek. (Not toward Mecca) Or you know what? Just go the full monty and let your enemies crucify you. And whey you say: Forgive them Father, they know not what they do, you'll be really accurate. So if you really want to prove you're not a Muslim, you're going to have to look like this [Jesus on the cross] Oh, you know what? On second thought, that really makes you seem Jewish. (Even more guilty)

        And that's the Word.

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