The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 31

Lorraine Bracco

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 09, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Lorraine Bracco
AIRED:
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes actress, Lorraine Bracco!

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: D.I.Y. Do it yourself. The desire to do it yourself is ingrained in all Americans. (DIY in DNA) I've always believed in it. Give you an example, this show. I don't like having anyone else on camera (I don't count) And, hey, the first thing every teenage American boy learns to do is themselves. (Handmade) Now, that's because America is the worlds first do it yourself project, we didn't ask England's permission to build our democracy, we just built it. Sure, there were some bumps in the road, (Those were Indians) but before you knew it, we were the world's sole superpower. (Except for China) And this can do it yourself spirit reaches its pinnacle with our president George Bush, the one and only. (Other than his dad) He knows that in order to get things done you can't always play by the rules. (Or by the Constitution) And listen, the public respects that. (All 34% of it)

      It's the frontier spirit that made our country great. Consider wiretaps, (I'm listening) yes technically you need a FISA warrant from the courts, but if Daniel Boone was hunting Bin Laden, do you think he'd wait on a warrant? (Written on birchbark?) No, he'd track him down, smoke him out and turn him into a cap. And if Teddy Roosevelt went to the U.N., I'm sure he'd say "Bully" just like our man Bolton. The heart of the American message is: Hey everybody, feel free to disagree with my swinging sack. (What a gracious offer) And to those people who say we can't remake the Middle East in our own image, well look at Iran. They don't give a damn what anybody says, they're enriching their own uranium. (Enriched, creamery uranium) It's a lesson we should all remember here in our home with our own issues. Don't ask for things. Johnny Appleseed didn't ask for health care, (An apple a day keeps socialized medicine away) Calamity Jane didn't ask for disaster relief. (Name scared off insurance companies) If you want those things, or anything else you imagine the government should provide, the administrations message is clear: do it yourself. (D.I.Y.)

      And that's the Word.

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